IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The international community should take action immediately to ensure that all countries reduce the consumption of fossil fuels, such as gas and oil. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#community #action #countries #consumption #fuels #gas #oil
The limited resources have been decreasing
although
 humans are trying to find other resources to replace them. I totally agree that the global community should force the worldwide population suddenly to reduce the consumption of gas and oil.
Due to
 global warming,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pollution has been increasing
while
 the environment has been changing to trouble. Many global organizations have been trying to solve
this
 issue as soon as they can.
For instance
, some governments encourage their
people
 to use elective vehicles
instead
 of normal vehicles or use public transportation more than private vehicles because they want to save gas and oil. During the COVID-19 period provide that humans are the major harmful to nature. Nature explodes it recovers to plentiful
while
people
 have to stay at home.
Moreover
,
although
 the largest proportion of
people
 who are poverty group usually
uses
Correct subject-verb agreement
use
show examples
 little energy, the lowest percentage of
people
 around the world are
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 rich group. The millionaires keep using non-renewable energy too much
such
 as supercars and taking a private jet. Governments should be
concern
Wrong verb form
concerned
show examples
 and force the high society group suddenly
due to
 carbon footprint and carbon dioxide. The global organization should provide some acts
for protecting
Change preposition
to protect
show examples
 unrenewable energy and the environment.
In addition
, some countries have acts about the fine of carbon
emission
Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
show examples
 in manufacturing groups.
This
 encourages manufacturers concerned about their exhaust. In conclusion, I strongly believe that all non-renewable resource problems can be prevented by the global community that has to look
after
this
 issue suddenly.
Submitted by baby11mystar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction is clear but brief. Try to expand it with a bit more context about the topic at hand. This will help set the stage for your argument better.
clear comprehensive ideas
Some of your ideas lack detailed explanations and examples. For instance, when discussing the benefits of public transportation and electric vehicles, providing specific examples or statistics could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
It’s good that you attempted to provide solutions, but the language can be made clearer. Terms like 'force the worldwide population suddenly' can be softened to make the argument more reasonable and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
There are a few grammatical issues that affect clarity. For example, the phrase 'some governments encourage their people to use elective vehicles' should be 'some governments encourage their people to use electric vehicles.'
complete response
Your essay successfully addresses the prompt and provides a stance on the issue. You have also highlighted the importance of reducing fossil fuel consumption for environmental reasons.
relevant specific examples
Good effort in providing specific examples, like the use of electric vehicles and public transportation, to support your arguments.
logical structure
The essay structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which gives it a logical flow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • fossil fuels
  • consumption
  • gas
  • oil
  • international community
  • climate change
  • environmental degradation
  • global problem
  • collective action
  • renewable energy sources
  • sustainable future
  • economic growth
  • development
  • rely heavily on
  • unrealistic
What to do next:
Look at other essays: