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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world. summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
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The pie charts illustrate information about the proportion of various purposes for using
water
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 six continents of the world. In general industrial use the most
water
Use synonyms
 in North America and
Europe
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 in the other regions utilise
water
Use synonyms
 for irrigation more than
three
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 fourth of the total. First and foremost the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 used in
Europe
Use synonyms
 at 53
percent
Use synonyms
 which is a roughly identical ratio to North America with the previous being 5
percent
Use synonyms
 more than the latter.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it seems that
Europe
Use synonyms
 consumes more times the amount of
water
Use synonyms
 for industry compared to other regions.
Secondly
Linking Words
, using
water
Use synonyms
 for
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
show examples
 possesses a high ratio in South America Africa Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
. Among these Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 has 88
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
water
Use synonyms
 in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
irrigation which is approximately 2 times more than
Europe
Use synonyms
.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least it appears that Central
Asia
Use synonyms
 and South East
Asia
Use synonyms
 have a similar ratio of 7
percent
Use synonyms
 for domestic use which
also
Linking Words
 accounts for the lowest percentage in the world.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 those are still only
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half to a third if compared with
Europe
Use synonyms
 and South Africa respectively.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, europe, percent, asia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "ratio" was used 3 times.
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