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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The charts below show the aversage percentages intypical meals of three types of nutrients, all of whihc may be unhealthy if eaten too much.

The charts below show the aversage percentages intypical meals of three types of nutrients, all of whihc may be unhealthy if eaten too much.
The pie charts illustrate the percentages of three basic meals of people in the USA, containing three unhealthy nutrients if intaken excessively.
Overall
Linking Words
, three unhealthy substances found in almost every meals are
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat, and sugar. In average,
sodium
Use synonyms
 and fat is found the most in
dinner
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 snacks contain the highest percentage of added sugar. The major unhealthy nutirent found in
dinner
Use synonyms
 is
sodium
Use synonyms
, accounting for 43 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of the chart and 29 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in lunch,
while
Linking Words
 in breakfast and snacks,
sodium
Use synonyms
 is present at 14 percent. Like
sodium
Use synonyms
, saturated fat is there in
dinner
Use synonyms
, found at 37 percent. It is
also
Linking Words
 there in lunch, snacks, and breakfast at 26, 21 and 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in order. Added sugar is the major substance in snack, accounting for 42 per
cent
Use synonyms
: 23 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in
dinner
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: 19 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in lunch; and 16 per
cent
Use synonyms
 in breakfast. In conclusion, American people are prone to intake these unhealthy nutirents from every meals.
However
Linking Words
, if one meal is skipped,
this
Linking Words
 could reduce the amount of these unhealthy substances in to the body as stated that they should be eaten at the right amount to prevent the accumulation of them in the body.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sodium, dinner, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentages" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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