The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie charts show the electricity generated in Germany and France from all sources and renewables in the year 2009.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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Both
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

Germany
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and
France
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

generate over 500 Billion kWh every year. Over 80% of
energy
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is produced by nonrenewable resources
by
Change preposition
in

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show examples
both
Use synonyms

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countries.
However
Linking Words

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, conventional thermal
energy
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plays a bigger role in
Germany
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

than
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Use synonyms
France
Change preposition
in France

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
by around 50%.
Whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, in
France
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

over 75% of produced
electricity
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is from nuclear power plants,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which

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are relatively eco-friendly if taken care of. Speaking of renewable
energy
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, hydroelectric
energy
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is the biggest renewable
energy
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resource in
France
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by far and only the third in
Germany
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, with biomass and wind
energy
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occupying the two top spots. Geothermal
energy
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is yet to produce
electricity
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in
both
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

France
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
Germany
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, currently countrywide producing less than 0,1% of
electricity
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
To sum up
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
both
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

France
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and
Germany
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are dependent on conventional thermal
electricity
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generation but
France
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is a little bit more. They
both
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still have a long way to go before the majority of
energy
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is produced by renewable
energy
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

sources.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
Vocabulary: Replace the words both, germany, france, energy, electricity with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • electricity generation
  • renewable sources
  • conventional thermal
  • nuclear power
  • hydroelectric power
  • biomass
  • wind energy
  • proportion
  • distribution
  • significant
  • contributor
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