IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people thinks computer games have negative impacts on children.To what extent do you agreee or disagree ?

#people #computer #games #impacts #children #agreee
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Computer
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games
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 are popular among kids nowadays. Some people
preceive
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perceive
receive
 it can be
deterimental
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detrimental
 to
children
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's development,
however
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, in my opinion, it is my belief that
computer
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games
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 can have positive impacts on them. In the following,
this
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 essay will discuss the advantages of
comupter
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computer
games
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.
To begin
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 with,
computer
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games
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 can
have
Verb problem
be
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 educational which can boost
children
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's
study
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. Some online
games
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 are designed for learning purposes and even teachers in schools will
also
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 utilize them to facilitate their teaching in schools,
such
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 as Kahoot! and Soqqle. By doing so,
children
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 who are especially interested in playing
games
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 and technology can
thus
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 be more motivated in their academic learning
due to
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 the
suppliment
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supplement
 of online
games
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.
Therefore
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,
computer
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games
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 can have
positive
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a positive
show examples
 impact on
children
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 by keeping
their
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them
show examples
motivation
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motivated
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 in lesson learning.
Moreover
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,
computer
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games
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 can provide a way
of
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for
show examples
children
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 to relax from busy
routine
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routines
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. Since
children
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are
Verb problem
apply
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generally
having
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have
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 packed schedules with long studying hours and
many
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apply
show examples
homeworks
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homework
, playing
computer
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games
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 for entertainment
allow
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allows
show examples
children
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 to take a rest and recharge from heavy workloads. Some
cirtics
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critics
 may
have
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apply
show examples
argue
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argued
show examples
computer
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games
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 that unrelate to academic
study
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 can easily cause
impleasent
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unpleasant
pleasant
implement
 academic performance
due to
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 addiction,
however
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, it
is rather depends
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rather depends
show examples
 on the time
managment
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management
skill
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skills
show examples
 of the
children
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becuase
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because
 there can
also
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 be other activities that can make them
to
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apply
show examples
be addicted and distracted from
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Add an article
a study
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study
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studies
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such
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 as sports and music. To summarize, for the reasons
that
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apply
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mentioned above, it is believed that computers can have positive impacts on
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children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
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study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
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 and mental relaxation as long as they can have an appropriate time
distributuion
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distribution
distributions
 between play and work.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but there are minor inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing which affects readability. Aim to refine your sentence structures and proofread for grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples and statistical data to better illustrate the positive impact of computer games on children.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a logical structure, linking ideas together smoothly with appropriate transitions. The flow of ideas could be more coherent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. The introduction should briefly outline the main points, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the arguments presented while reinforcing the essay's stance.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of recognizing potential counterarguments about the negative impacts of computer games and addressing them appropriately.
coherence cohesion
You have identified two distinct positive impacts of computer games: educational benefits and mental relaxation, which show a good level of critical thinking.
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