Some people thinks computer games have negative impacts on children.To what extent do you agreee or disagree ?

Computer
games
are popular among kids nowadays. Some people
preceive
Correct your spelling
perceive
receive
it can be
deterimental
Correct your spelling
detrimental
to
children
's development,
however
, in my opinion, it is my belief that
computer
games
can have positive impacts on them. In the following,
this
essay will discuss the advantages of
comupter
Correct your spelling
computer
games
.
To begin
with,
computer
games
can
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
educational which can boost
children
's
study
. Some online
games
are designed for learning purposes and even teachers in schools will
also
utilize them to facilitate their teaching in schools,
such
as Kahoot! and Soqqle. By doing so,
children
who are especially interested in playing
games
and technology can
thus
be more motivated in their academic learning
due to
the
suppliment
Correct your spelling
supplement
of online
games
.
Therefore
,
computer
games
can have
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
impact on
children
by keeping
their
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
motivation
Replace the word
motivated
show examples
in lesson learning.
Moreover
,
computer
games
can provide a way
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
children
to relax from busy
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
. Since
children
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
generally
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
packed schedules with long studying hours and
many
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
, playing
computer
games
for entertainment
allow
Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
show examples
children
to take a rest and recharge from heavy workloads. Some
cirtics
Correct your spelling
critics
may
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
argue
Change the verb form
argued
show examples
computer
games
that unrelate to academic
study
can easily cause
impleasent
Correct your spelling
unpleasant
pleasant
implement
academic performance
due to
addiction,
however
, it
is rather depends
Change the verb form
rather depends
show examples
on the time
managment
Correct your spelling
management
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
of the
children
becuase
Correct your spelling
because
there can
also
be other activities that can make them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
be addicted and distracted from
Add an article
a study
show examples
study
Change the noun form
studies
show examples
such
as sports and music. To summarize, for the reasons
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
mentioned above, it is believed that computers can have positive impacts on
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
study
Fix the agreement mistake
studies
show examples
and mental relaxation as long as they can have an appropriate time
distributuion
Correct your spelling
distribution
distributions
between play and work.
Submitted by asllchkied on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but there are minor inaccuracies and occasional awkward phrasing which affects readability. Aim to refine your sentence structures and proofread for grammatical accuracy.
task achievement
The essay would benefit from more specific examples and statistical data to better illustrate the positive impact of computer games on children.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay follows a logical structure, linking ideas together smoothly with appropriate transitions. The flow of ideas could be more coherent.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present but could be more impactful. The introduction should briefly outline the main points, and the conclusion should succinctly summarize the arguments presented while reinforcing the essay's stance.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of recognizing potential counterarguments about the negative impacts of computer games and addressing them appropriately.
coherence cohesion
You have identified two distinct positive impacts of computer games: educational benefits and mental relaxation, which show a good level of critical thinking.
Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
What to do next:
Look at other essays: