the number of students studying science is constantly declining. what do you think are the causes and effects on our society?

In recent years, it
is
Wrong verb form
has been
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observed that science subject is becoming unpopular among students,
due to
the low financial income paid for science compared to business or finance . As we rely on new technologies to grow our system, it could pose challenges for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society as without newcomers in the
field
, there would be
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
novel innovations to serve the future needs of mankind. Interestingly,
although
scientific innovations contribute significantly to our lives from household technology to healthcare, the salary for researchers and scientists is on the lower side. Indeed, many annual reports show that the yearly incomes of professionals working in
financial
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the financial
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sector are higher than those who work in research and development.
This
discrepancy creates a sense of unfairness and drives young students away from the
scietific
Correct your spelling
scientific
field
and toward the perceived money-making pathways.
In addition
, it is inevitable that science is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
field
fueled by the creativity of youth.
For instance
, Bill Gates wrote his Microsoft software in his twenties,
while
Steve
Job
Fix the agreement mistake
Jobs
show examples
worked on his first
ipad
Correct your spelling
iPad
protocol very early in his life.The
unbalance
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imbalance
show examples
in
distribution
Correct article usage
the distribution
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of
workforce
Correct article usage
the workforce
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will eventually turn the
field
fueled by young and fresh ideas into an area of old faces.
As a result
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society may witness
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
discoveries in the near future, and it will slow down our development rate. In a nutshell, the low
payrate
Correct your spelling
pay rate
for science-related occupations is putting a barrier for youngsters to study the subjects. In fact, our lives will be
affcected
Correct your spelling
affected
as we will have
less
Correct quantifier usage
fewer
show examples
innovative products in the future.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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task achievement
The essay should include more concrete examples and data to support the claims made. This will enhance the credibility and strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Try to use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow and connection between ideas. Words like 'moreover', 'consequently', or 'however' can add to the logical progression of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Revise for small grammar errors and sentence structures that might affect clarity. While minor inaccuracies won't lower your grade drastically, it's good to ensure the essay reads smoothly.
task achievement
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which nicely frame the essay. Both your opening statement and summary are relevant and directly address the topic.
task achievement
The essay covers multiple perspectives of the issue, including both the causes and effects, which demonstrates a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples related to Bill Gates and Steve Jobs helps to illustrate your points and make the essay more engaging.

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