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Band 2.5

Art classes, such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree ?-

#art #classes #child #development #subjects #schools
It is argued that
students
 have to learn art
due to
 its
compact
Correct your spelling
impact
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 on kid's growth
up
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apply
show examples
.
This
 writer has a
clearly
Change the adverb
clear
show examples
 point that creative classes should be optional,
therefore
 schools ought to concentrate more on student's
talent
Fix the agreement mistake
talents
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 and hobbies. It must be acknowledged that not all
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
 are good at painting and drawing.
Additionally
, each individual has their own field.
Educational
Add an article
The educational
show examples
 system must not force them to search
about
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for
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 it and encourage people to develop their abilities.
Moreover
,
government
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the government
show examples
 should invest more
on
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in
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 education to expand the
amount
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number
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 of classes that fit
in with
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apply
show examples
every
students
Change to a singular noun
student
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. Take Viet Nam's schools as
prime
Add an article
a prime
the prime
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 example,
students
 are able to study more deeply about their subjects
in particular
 classes. The crucial point needs to be understood that
paasion
Correct your spelling
passion
also
 plays
key
Add an article
a key
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 role in the debate. Though some people have
genetic
Add an article
the genetic
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 talent to become successful in art, they may not feel
joyfully
Replace the adverb
joyful
show examples
 about
this
 group. It can lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less effective productivity and cause some annoying issues. Obviously, the way
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 controls people's study courses can waste their talent.
By contrast
, on the knowledge and
joyment
Correct your spelling
enjoyment
.
To conclude
, art brings back some considerable benefits,
however
, high schools should be more comfortable
about
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with
show examples
this
 problem.

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advice
Try to make the introduction clearer by stating your stance explicitly in the first few sentences. Clearly state whether you agree or disagree in a more straightforward manner.
advice
Include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
advice
The essay needs a stronger conclusion that ties back to the introduction and reinforces your stance.
advice
Work on improving grammar and sentence structure to make your ideas clearer and more easily understood.
highlight
Your essay includes some relevant points about individual talents and interests, which is good as it shows depth of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
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