IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below show the life circle of a species of large fish called the salmon Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagrams below show the life circle of a species of large fish called the salmon Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The given diagrams describe how a kind of big fish called the
salmon
Use synonyms
 grows during its
lifepan
Correct your spelling
life
. By and large, it can be seen that there are three main stages involved in the growth of the salmons, beginning with
salmon
Use synonyms
 eggs in
upper
Add an article
the upper
show examples
river
Use synonyms
 and ending with adult salmons
come
Wrong verb form
coming
show examples
 back upper
river
Use synonyms
 from
open
Add an article
the open
show examples
 sea.
At the first stage
Linking Words
 of the growth,
salmon
Use synonyms
 eggs are in the upper
river
Use synonyms
 where water moves slowly. After approx 5 to 6 months
salmon
Use synonyms
 eggs live under reeds and next to small stones, they develop into small fishes called fry, and these species are from 3 to 8 cm in size. The fry
move
Change the verb form
moves
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 down
lower
Add an article
the lower
a lower
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river
Use synonyms
 where there is
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
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flowing
Replace the word
flow
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, and they live
in
Change preposition
apply
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there
about
Change preposition
for
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approx
Replace the word
approximately
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 4 years. At the following step, before moving to
open
Correct article usage
the open
show examples
 sea, the salmons called smolt have developed from the fry and they are from 12 to 15 cm in size.
Next,
Linking Words
the smolt
live
Change the verb form
lives
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 in the open sea approx 5 years.
Finally
Linking Words
, when their size
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 from 70 to 76 cm called adult
salmon
Use synonyms
, they come back
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 upper
river
Use synonyms
.

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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, river with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "growth" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "moves" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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