Art classes, such as drawing and painting, are as important to a child’s development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high school. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
There is a common belief
has shown
that artistic lessons should be Verb problem
apply
compelled
in Verb problem
taught
high
education as they play a pivotal role in the development of children. Personally, Correct word choice
higher
this
is not an ideal opinion for a fully-grown child via the fact that it will waste their time and efforts
uselessly.
Turning to the first reason, it can be seen that art classes require a lot of energy and Fix the agreement mistake
effort
endeavor
. Change the spelling
endeavour
This
is because people
have to use not only their mental abilities but also
physical movements so when they try to regulate these two sectors, the
will be exhausted. Correct your spelling
they
As a result
, a lack of concentration on other subjects and a decrease in their abilities will emerge. Hence
, children will experience a sense of failure in all of the lessons.
It should be acknowledged that this
statement also
depends on the habits of a person. To explain, if painting and drawing are the things that they love, it will offer them a successful opportunity for a
growth in their mental abilities, Remove the article
apply
however
, on the other side, if they show no interests
in art, a significant problem will come out which can make them feel stressful and depressed. Fix the agreement mistake
interest
Consequently
, art will show a lot of benefits for people
who love it so we should encourage them to follow what they like.
Another point should
Correct pronoun usage
that should
also
be taken into consideration is that,
it will decrease the employment rate in a particular area. Remove the comma
apply
Due to
the fact that more people
will be interested in artistic subjects, they will ignore other logical lessons and focus only on their habits. In
Change preposition
As
the
consequence, the quality of workers will obviously decrease and there will be more artists which will show an unbalanced trend in Correct article usage
a
the
society. Correct article usage
apply
Therefore
, it will deteriorate every segments
of Change to a singular noun
segment
this
community.
Taking everything into account, people
should be supported for their habits, especially children as their brains haven’t developed fully. If we capacitate them with what we believe is right, it will give them a lot of disadvantages and a demotion in their growth.Submitted by [email protected] on
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task response
Clarify your stance more clearly at the beginning of the essay. This will help the reader understand your position from the very start.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your paragraphs better. Each paragraph should focus on a single main idea, and transitions between ideas should be smoother.
task response
Use more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Some sentences are a bit confusing and could be clearer.
task achievement
You made an effort to address multiple aspects of the topic, including the impact on children’s energy and the employment market.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your main points and offers a clear position.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.