IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that developing countries should focus on improving industrial skills and infrastructure to drive economic growth, while others argue that investing in education and healthcare should be the priority. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #countries #focus #skills #infrastructure #drive #growth #education #healthcare #priority
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People are calling into question the main priority domains of development for developing countries.
While
 some individuals believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
industry and infrastructure play an important role in empowering the economy, others assert that education and healthcare sections should be considered as development pillars for a
country
. Both sides
provides
Change the verb form
provide
show examples
 rational justification that will be elaborated. The supporters of allocating more resources
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the education system and healthcare sector advocate the idea that there is
demand
Correct article usage
a demand
show examples
 for teaching new generations in early stages to cultivate different sciences and knowledge in them. The result would be a generation who possess various potentials to be applied in
improvement
Add an article
the improvement
show examples
 of all parts of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. A salient example is that Ghana invested
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 establishing different schools for children to train them in soccer, which in return they won the African Cup in 2016.
Furthermore
,
investing
Change preposition
by investing
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 healthcare, governments are capable of supporting people in hospitals with local doctors and nurses
as well as
 providing an opportunity to attract other patients from diverse countries for treatment. Others,
however
, put forward the idea that industrial skills and established infrastructure are keys to economic growth. Every
country
 has different resources that need to be exploited and utilized in convenient policies. In developing countries, there are various parts that can be modernized to facilitate tasks in
shorter
Add an article
a shorter
show examples
 time with lower effort and higher quality. A good illustration is that in Iran, all bank activities, including creating an account, are done in person, which can be replaced by online and secure applications. By way of conclusion, considering the points discussed above, both sides of the argument present rational justifications. I am,
however
, of the opinion that industrial skills and investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 infrastructure will improve a
country
 in a better way
due to
 the fact that it creates more options to save money and grow a
country
.
Submitted by tahani.nr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence and cohesion
Enhance coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between different points and ideas.
task achievement
Expand on specific examples to provide deeper relevance and clarity to the arguments presented.
language accuracy
Proofread for occasional grammatical errors and awkward phrasings to improve overall readability.
introduction and conclusion
The essay successfully introduces and concludes the topic with clear points of view.
balanced argumentation
Both sides of the argument are well-represented with relevant justifications.
supporting examples
Examples are provided to substantiate the claims, showing a good attempt at task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: