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Band 5

Nowadays, as women and men have to work full-time household duties should be equally divided. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#women #men #work #household #duties
It is true that if
both
 sexes have their
full time
Add a hyphen
full-time
show examples
 jobs
then
 they need to share the responsibility of
household
chores
 for a happy and
hormonious
Correct your spelling
harmonious
life
 and I
am totally agree
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totally agree
show examples
 with the statement given. Equal division of
household
 duties
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
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 a good relationship between
both
 husband and wife and decreases the stress on one partner.
Both
 men and women
lives
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live
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 happily when they equally perform the
household
 tasks and there is no gender criticism at all. Most importantly,
both
 partners stay healthy when they perform house duties together. As
both
patrners
Correct your spelling
parents
 are earning money, it is important that they should equally take
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
responsibility
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
household
chores
 too. Now the time is changed. In the modern world,
both
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
show examples
 and
woman
Fix the agreement mistake
women
show examples
work
 hard to live a better
life
. People should not look at the past.
For example
, in the past, only men used to
work
 outside and women used to
work
 in the kitchen but nowadays
both
participates
Change the verb form
participate
show examples
 equally in earning money
as well as
 in
household
chores
. Performing
household
chores
 equally is a great example to children as they learn a lot from their parents and they will be doing the same what their parents are doing. So, it is a great example
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 children. I believe having an equal responsibility towards any
work
 makes
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life
 easier for
both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sexes and it leads to a great bonding with each other
as well as
 a beautiful
life
.
To conclude
, I think that when men and women
both
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
 equally, they should be performing
household
 duties equally too
and
Correct word choice
apply
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which makes
life
 much convenient for
both
husband
Correct article usage
the husband
show examples
 and the wife.
Submitted by jatinderpanaich328 on

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task achievement
Your essay adequately addresses the topic and provides a clear argument for the equal division of household duties. However, to strengthen your task achievement, provide more specific examples and elaborate on them. This will make your essay more compelling and help justify your points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. However, you can improve coherence by using a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words) to ensure smooth transitions between ideas and sentences.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are grammatically correct but could be clearer with slight rephrasing. Focus on refining your grammar and vocabulary to enhance readability and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction is clear, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay, which helps frame your argument well.
logical structure
You have done a good job of introducing the topic and presenting your opinion clearly in the introduction.
supported main points
You have included relevant points to support your argument, such as the modern context of both men and women working and the positive impact equal division of chores has on children.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • shared responsibility
  • harmonious living arrangements
  • traditional gender roles
  • modern values
  • domestic chores
  • relationship satisfaction
  • positive example
  • household duties
  • full-time workforce
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