IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

You have seen an advertisement in an Australian magazine for someone to live with a family for six months and look after their six-year-old child. Write a letter to the parents. In your letter explain why you would like the job give details of why you would be a suitable person to employ say how you would spend your free time while you are in Australia

#advertisement #australian #magazine #someone #six #months #child #parents #job #person #time #australia
Dear Sir, I saw your advertisement
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the Australian
magzine
Correct your spelling
magazine
 about your
child
care
. I want to express my interest
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 job and I look forward to taking
care
 of your 6-year-old
child
. I am interested in
this
 job as I am a
family oriented
Add a hyphen
family-oriented
show examples
 individual. I have been lucky enough to take
care
 of my cousins when I was a teenager. Most importantly I have a daughter now who is
7-year-old
Correct your spelling
7 years old
 at the moment. I contributed an integral part in her upbringing and
care
along with
 her mother.
Hence
therfore
Correct your spelling
therefore
 I will be more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 happy and excited to take
care
 of your
child
. I am well aware of children's sleep cycle, diet , character and personality
dvelepment
Correct your spelling
development
. Kids of
these age
Change the determiner
this age
these ages
show examples
 are sensitive and fragile so they need tailored coaching with regards to their habits. I find it really interesting to explore different behaviours
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
take
care
 of them
accordingly
 and guide kids when deemed necessary. To be really
speicifc
Correct your spelling
specific
, I find it really easy to
convinve
Correct your spelling
convince
 children to eat
vegetables
Correct article usage
a vegetables
show examples
, and
Correct article usage
a
show examples
dairy diet which is uncommon these days.
Also
, let me know if your
child
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 any allergies, I will be mindful about it. I have
my
Change the word
a
show examples
 friend who lives just across the street. I usually visit him in my free time.
Moreover
 I am a fitness freak so
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 prefer to go on
walk
Add an article
a walk
show examples
 daily. I plan to visit
museum
Add an article
the museum
a museum
show examples
 and other related
recrational
Correct your spelling
recreational
 spots over the weekend. I would be more
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 happy to take your
child
 as well. I hope you consider my request and let me know the outcome at the
earlist
Correct your spelling
earliest
 possible. Looking forward to hearing from you. Best regards, Rohan Ahmed
Submitted by rohan.ahmed488 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Proofread to catch minor errors and improve clarity. For example, correct spelling mistakes such as 'magzine' (magazine) and 'dvelepment' (development).
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single idea and supports your overall message.
coherence cohesion
The letter has a clear greeting and closing, making it professional.
task achievement
The tone of the letter is friendly and suitable for the context.
task achievement
The letter includes relevant personal experiences, making the response meaningful and convincing.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Childcare, Nurturing, Patience, Creativity, Early childhood development
  • Babysitting, Au pair, Engaging, Responsible, Enthusiastic
  • Safety, Trustworthy, Adaptability, Proactive, Cultural exchange
  • Activities, Educational games, Language skills, Exploring
  • Volunteering, Community involvement, Australian culture
  • Flexibility, Personal traits, Schedule, Enrichment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: