IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication f what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed that common hobbies are picked up based greater on their popularity than on what
people
Use synonyms
 really want to do in their free time. In my opinion, it is true that the latest
trends
Use synonyms
 do have
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 influence on what
people
Use synonyms
 choose to enjoy leisurely,
however
Linking Words
, individuals will decide to continue following their own preferences.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is inevitable that
due to
Linking Words
 the advances of media,
people
Use synonyms
 are always updated with the newest
trends
Use synonyms
, and whatever becomes the hot
topics
Fix the agreement mistake
topic
show examples
 on social media
such
Linking Words
 as TikTok is perceived to be desirable by the majority.
For example
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 flock
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 candle making after seeing some influencers having fun with it on
Tiktok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
, or the
numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
show examples
 of
people
Use synonyms
 trying
dance
Fix the infinitive
to dance
show examples
 after watching dance challenges led by
Kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
 idols surges significantly. Indeed, social media has been nudging the audiences to jump from trend to trend, without considering what they really are interested in doing.
However
Linking Words
, the effects created by those key opinion leaders - or KOLs for short, are only short-term. After the trend fades out, what keeps
people
Use synonyms
 coming back to
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
recreational activities depends on the fact that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
those can capture
people
Use synonyms
's interest.
According to
Linking Words
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
show examples
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 many have started pilates following
Kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
 stars, the majority of them remain
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
 and turn the activity into their daily routine
due to
Linking Words
 the health benefits it provides.
Thus
Linking Words
, when the
trends
Use synonyms
 fade away, what keeps
people
Use synonyms
continue
Wrong verb form
continuing
show examples
 actually
alligns
Correct your spelling
aligns
align
 with their preferences. In conclusion, it is indispensable that the latest
trends
Use synonyms
 have
huge
Add an article
a huge
show examples
 impact on what individuals might pick up doing.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they need to find interest in what they are doing to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 as regular hobbies.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a solid argument with good examples such as candle-making and dance challenges on TikTok. To improve further, make sure to clarify and strengthen your thesis statement a bit more. This will help readers understand your main point right from the start.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure with clear paragraphs. However, try to make the transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are a few language mistakes such as 'picked up based greater on' which should be corrected to 'picked up more based on'. Make sure to proofread your essay to catch these minor errors.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples that effectively support your points, such as TikTok trends and K-pop dance challenges.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a structured organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your writing is generally clear and your ideas are well-articulated. This helps in effectively communicating your argument.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: