Popular hobbies and interests change over time and are more a reflection of trends and fashions than an indication f what individuals really want to do in their spare time. To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer.

It is believed that common hobbies are picked up based greater on their popularity than on what
people
really want to do in their free time. In my opinion, it is true that the latest
trends
do have
the
Correct article usage
an
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influence on what
people
choose to enjoy leisurely,
however
, individuals will decide to continue following their own preferences.
Firstly
, it is inevitable that
due to
the advances of media,
people
are always updated with the newest
trends
, and whatever becomes the hot
topics
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topic
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on social media
such
as TikTok is perceived to be desirable by the majority.
For example
,
people
flock
into
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to
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candle making after seeing some influencers having fun with it on
Tiktok
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TikTok
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, or the
numbers
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number
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of
people
trying
dance
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to dance
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after watching dance challenges led by
Kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
idols surges significantly. Indeed, social media has been nudging the audiences to jump from trend to trend, without considering what they really are interested in doing.
However
, the effects created by those key opinion leaders - or KOLs for short, are only short-term. After the trend fades out, what keeps
people
coming back to
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apply
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the
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apply
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recreational activities depends on the fact that
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apply
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if
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apply
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those can capture
people
's interest.
According to
latest
Correct article usage
the latest
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researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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,
while
many have started pilates following
Kpop
Correct your spelling
K-pop
stars, the majority of them remain
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
and turn the activity into their daily routine
due to
the health benefits it provides.
Thus
, when the
trends
fade away, what keeps
people
continue
Wrong verb form
continuing
show examples
actually
alligns
Correct your spelling
aligns
align
with their preferences. In conclusion, it is indispensable that the latest
trends
have
huge
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a huge
show examples
impact on what individuals might pick up doing.
Nevertheless
, they need to find interest in what they are doing to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
as regular hobbies.
Submitted by kimtruong270192 on

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task achievement
Your essay presents a solid argument with good examples such as candle-making and dance challenges on TikTok. To improve further, make sure to clarify and strengthen your thesis statement a bit more. This will help readers understand your main point right from the start.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure with clear paragraphs. However, try to make the transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will improve the overall flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
There are a few language mistakes such as 'picked up based greater on' which should be corrected to 'picked up more based on'. Make sure to proofread your essay to catch these minor errors.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples that effectively support your points, such as TikTok trends and K-pop dance challenges.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a structured organization with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow your argument.
task achievement
Your writing is generally clear and your ideas are well-articulated. This helps in effectively communicating your argument.

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