IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the chart below show percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.

the chart below show percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.
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The pie charts illustrate
proportion
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the proportion
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 of
water
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 supplies which are used for different aims namely food, service, building, household, and manufacturing, in Sydney, Australia, in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the majority of
water
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 consumption for
food
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the food
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industry
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 in 2 periods in terms of the usage
water
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 supply consumed for the building
industry
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 compared with other sectors. Turning to details
the
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apply
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manufacturing usage had a significant growth from 13
percent
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per cent
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 to 25
percent
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per cent
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
,
household
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households
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 grew only 2
percent
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per cent
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 and touched
21
Correct article usage
the 21
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 mark in 2007.
The
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In the
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 next ten years, the proportion of
water
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 used in the food
industry
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 remained unchanged, despite a slight decrease of 7%. In the same year, households consumed 21% of
water
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, which was about twice the rate in the manufacturing
industry
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. As for the rest of the industries,
while
Linking Words
 the service sector accounts for a quarter of
water
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 consumption, the construction
industry
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required
Wrong verb form
requires
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 only 2% of
water
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.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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