Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views.
When finish
school
, teenagers have to dilemma to get
a job or Change preposition
of getting
continue
their education. Meanwhile getting a job straight after Wrong verb form
continuing
school
has a lot of benefits, there are also
good reasons why it could be beneficial when going to university or college.
It seems clear that when choosing work straight after school
for several reasons. Many young people want to start earning lots of money as soon as possible. In this
way, they can be independent , and they will be able to afford their own house or establish the
company. In terms of, Correct article usage
a
the
people who Correct article usage
apply
are decide
to work can develop their Change the verb form
decide
career
quickly and have Fix the agreement mistake
careers
opportunity
Add an article
the opportunity
an opportunity
meet
Fix the infinitive
to meet
the
talented people in the business world. Correct article usage
apply
This
can lead to their success and move up their careers.
On the other hand
, it can easily be understood why others choose to continue their learning. Firstly
, academic qualifications are required in many professions. For instance
, becoming a doctor, lawyer ,and police there is impossible without having the relevant degree. As a result
, university graduates have access to better job chances, and their income will have higher salaries than those have
Correct pronoun usage
who have
not
qualifications. Correct your spelling
no
Secondly
, the position of applying for Director in the above industries will have fierce competition, and those with degrees will be prioritized over others.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments for starting work straight after school
, but higher
education can also
lead to a successful career.Submitted by [email protected] on
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introduction conclusion present
You have provided a good introduction and conclusion, which are essential elements of a well-structured essay.
logical structure
Your essay has logical structure and distinct paragraphs discussing each viewpoint. However, the flow can be improved by using more transitional phrases to connect ideas between and within paragraphs.
supported main points
Some of your main points could be more thoroughly supported with examples and clearer explanations. For instance, while you mentioned career progression and the ability to meet talented people in the business world, it would be beneficial to provide specific instances or additional detail to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both perspectives, fulfilling the requirement of the task. However, there are some minor language inaccuracies and instances where points could be more comprehensively developed.
clear comprehensive ideas
There are clear and comprehensive ideas presented, but there are some areas where clarity could be improved. For example, some sentences are long and convoluted, making it difficult to follow the train of thought.
relevant specific examples
Adding more relevant specific examples would enhance your points. Specific examples for the benefits of university education and starting a job directly after school would make your arguments more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction sets up the essay topic effectively, and your conclusion effectively summarizes the points discussed.
task achievement
The essay adequately covers both viewpoints, showing a balanced discussion on the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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