Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is said that skilful

athletes

Use synonyms

have a significant role to play advantageous characteristics for the young but some believe that their etiquette not only on but

also

Linking Words

off the field has

disadvantageous

Add an article

a disadvantageous

show examples

impact.

While

Linking Words

each has its own perk, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both perspectives. Without a shadow of a doubt, experienced players who inspire the young deserve to act as a model. They generally have a positive energy

Change preposition

show examples

their facets regardless of their situations and have an optimistic attitude toward young

people

Use synonyms

. Ronaldo can be a compelling instance for the idol of youth because of his attempt. To be specific, he was not born

Change preposition

into

show examples

a wealthy family but he had a burning passion for football. Despite his inferior background, he always tries his best to pursue his passion. He now has become not only one of the

talented

Correct quantifier usage

most talented

show examples

footballers but

also

Linking Words

one of the

inspirational

Correct quantifier usage

most inspirational

show examples

people

Use synonyms

in the world. By his

endeavor

Change the spelling

endeavour

show examples

, it encourages the young to pursue their dream in the future.

Therefore

Linking Words

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

professional

athletes

Use synonyms

are a fancy mirror for younger

people

Use synonyms

However

Linking Words

, the

athletes

Use synonyms

also

Linking Words

have unfair

behaviors

Change the spelling

behaviours

show examples

which adversely affect the adolescent. They use stimulants which are banned in sports in order to permanently enhance their performance in the match.

For instance

Linking Words

, Dopamine is a kind of medicine that can stimulate their muscles and it is used in swimming,

cycling

Correct word choice

and cycling

show examples

to cheat. Whenever the

sport

Change the noun form

sports

show examples

center examines their blood and realizes it

Correct your spelling

show examples

unusual , the

athletes

Use synonyms

will be out. That brings harmful influence on the young no matter what the rules and aspire to win by all means.

Hence

Linking Words

, unfair actions of the players can make young

people

Use synonyms

have unsatisfactory results. In conclusion, the

athletes

Use synonyms

bring both the merits and demerits to the adolescent

such

Linking Words

as their inspiration and their unfair etiquettes respectively.

hominhtrang995Tue May 21 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Your essay presents a clear discussion of both perspectives and includes relevant examples, which is great. However, some improvements can enhance your task achievement. For example, you could further develop the examples to provide more depth and clarity to your arguments.

coherence cohesion

To achieve better coherence, try to use more variety in your linking phrases and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Consider using more complex sentence structures for better readability.

coherence cohesion

There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that can be improved. For instance, 'a fancy mirror' is not the best choice of words. Instead, consider phrases like 'a valuable role model' or 'a positive example.'

task achievement

The example of Ronaldo used to illustrate the positive influence of athletes is very effective and relevant.

coherence cohesion

Your inclusion of both sides of the argument is well-done and balanced, making the essay comprehensive and fair.

coherence cohesion

The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, making the structure clear.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

307 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

role model
determination
discipline
work ethic
community service
charitable activities
poor behavior
unsportsmanlike conduct
media scrutiny
public perception
materialism
physical and mental health issues
impressionable youth
high levels
pursuing sports
positive influence
negative influence

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6
band
In recent years, some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside. What problems could this cause? How could these be reduced?
Lately, because of its rapid economic growth, some countries are experiencing high prices for living in cities but not in rural areas. This essay will explain why overpopulation is a contributor to the increasing life cost issue and what the government can do to help ease the situation.
7
band
In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Due to the advancement of technology heavy traffic is a significant problem in large cities which affects both society and individuals in various ways. Below, I will discuss the effects of heavy traffic and propose potential solutions to mitigate these problems.
6
band
In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?
It is said that adults all over the globe who already graduated or even found their careers still choose to live with their parents instead of living independently. From the writer's point of view , this trend brings more benefits including lower rate of pressure and ensuring elderly health than the drawback of family conflicts.
7.5
band
Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One of the widely discussed topics in the contemporary world is that the subject of financial literacy should be included in school education programs. Personally, I tend to believe that these lessons would assist students to enhance their financial abilities, which will be useful in the future and broaden their horizons.
6.5
band
Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
As globalization continues to strengthen the connections between countries, shared shops and products have become accessible to people across different parts of the world. However, perspectives vary on whether this development has predominantly positive or negative effects.

Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion

In recent years, some countries have experienced very rapid economic development. This has resulted in higher standards of living in urban areas but not in the countryside. What problems could this cause? How could these be reduced?

In many large cities, people have to spend hours driving in heavy traffic every day. What are the effects of this on society and the individual? What can be done about it? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some countries, more and more adults continue to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many countries have the same shops and products. Some consider it a positive development, whereas others consider it negative. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion