Some people believe that professional athletes serve as positive role models for young people, while others argue that their behavior both on and off the field has a negative influence. Discuss both sides and give your opinion
It is said that skilful
athletes
have a significant role to play advantageous characteristics for the young but some believe that their etiquette not only on but also
off the field has disadvantageous
impact. Add an article
a disadvantageous
While
each has its own perk, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both perspectives.
Without a shadow of a doubt, experienced players who inspire the young deserve to act as a model. They generally have a positive energy on
their facets regardless of their situations and have an optimistic attitude toward young Change preposition
in
people
. Ronaldo can be a compelling instance for the idol of youth because of his attempt. To be specific, he was not born in
a wealthy family but he had a burning passion for football. Despite his inferior background, he always tries his best to pursue his passion. He now has become not only one of the Change preposition
into
talented
footballers but Correct quantifier usage
most talented
also
one of the inspirational
Correct quantifier usage
most inspirational
people
in the world. By his endeavor
, it encourages the young to pursue their dream in the future. Change the spelling
endeavour
Therefore
, the
professional Correct article usage
apply
athletes
are a fancy mirror for younger people
.
However
, the athletes
also
have unfair behaviors
which adversely affect the adolescent. They use stimulants which are banned in sports in order to permanently enhance their performance in the match. Change the spelling
behaviours
For instance
, Dopamine is a kind of medicine that can stimulate their muscles and it is used in swimming, cycling
to cheat. Whenever the Correct word choice
and cycling
sport
center examines their blood and realizes it Change the noun form
sports
as
unusual , the Correct your spelling
is
athletes
will be out. That brings harmful influence on the young no matter what the rules and aspire to win by all means. Hence
, unfair actions of the players can make young people
have unsatisfactory results.
In conclusion, the athletes
bring both the merits and demerits to the adolescent such
as their inspiration and their unfair etiquettes respectively.Submitted by hominhtrang995 on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear discussion of both perspectives and includes relevant examples, which is great. However, some improvements can enhance your task achievement. For example, you could further develop the examples to provide more depth and clarity to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
To achieve better coherence, try to use more variety in your linking phrases and ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Consider using more complex sentence structures for better readability.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings that can be improved. For instance, 'a fancy mirror' is not the best choice of words. Instead, consider phrases like 'a valuable role model' or 'a positive example.'
task achievement
The example of Ronaldo used to illustrate the positive influence of athletes is very effective and relevant.
coherence cohesion
Your inclusion of both sides of the argument is well-done and balanced, making the essay comprehensive and fair.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, making the structure clear.