SUCCESS IS OFTEN MEASURED IN TERMS OF HOW MUCH MONEY SOMEBODY HAS EARNED. DO YOU THINK WEALTH IS A GOOD MEASURE OF SUCCESS? HOW ELSE COULD WE MEASURE WHETHER SOMEBODY IS SUCCESSFUL OR NOT?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are various means through which achievement is been measured.
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

However
Add a comma
However,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However. Consider adding a comma.

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some weigh successful
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

by the
amount
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in their savings. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

essay, I will explain why
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should not be used to determine the level of success and
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

discuss other ways an individual's wealth can be measured.  Generally speaking, many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

concluded that anybody with
large
Add an article
a large
the large

The noun phrase large amount seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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amount
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds

It seems that fund may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in his possession or bank account is considered to be successful,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, the
amount
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

any person controls should not be a determinant of success. Accumulation of wealth is
though
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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one of the
way
Fix the agreement mistake
ways

It seems that way may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to measure and not the only standard
to conclude
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

if any citizen has made it in life.
Moreover
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many individuals with
lot
Change the article
a lot

It appears that the phrase lot does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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of
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in their
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts

It seems that account may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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may have borrowed it from financial
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions

It seems that institution may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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to execute one business or the other. The richest man in North Africa in the year 2005
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

forbes
Change the capitalization
Forbes

If you don’t want forbes to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

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categorization fell to number ten immediately
afterbbank
Correct your spelling
after bank
after banks

If you don’t want afterbbank to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

withdrew the
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

lended
Correct your spelling
lent

It appears that the verb lended is misspelled. Correct the spelling.

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to him to discharge a national project.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's financial record is one of the measuring criteria, there are other ways achievement can be ascertained. The primary of them is considering
individuals
Fix the agreement mistake
individual

It seems that individuals may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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investment in other sectors.
Lot
Change the article
A lot

It appears that the phrase Lot does not contain the correct article usage. Consider making a change.

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of business
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

invest their capital
to
Change preposition
in

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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various sectors as a way of putting their
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to work for them
whereas
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in their savings a very
little
Correct word choice
small

There may be an adjective issue here.

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amount
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

of
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is kept there.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, Analyzing
asset
Fix the agreement mistake
assets

It seems that asset may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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owned by
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is another way of checking to know how successful an individual is. Many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

use their
money
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

to buy assets in the form of buildings in highly expensive areas, industries and companies are other forms of
fix
Replace the word
fixed

The word fix doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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assets that  should be considered whether an individual is rich or not and not the statement of account. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

considered
Wrong verb form
consider

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb considered. Consider changing it.

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financial capability as a means to measure
individual's
Correct article usage
an individual's

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
affluence,
however
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, assets and investments declaration are two
better weighing
Add a hyphen
better-weighing

It appears that better weighing is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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balances to pronounce
success
Correct article usage
the success

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

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task achievement
Ensure that the essay stays on topic consistently, avoiding any tangential or unrelated information. The introduction should be more engaging and clearly outline the essay structure.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow by ensuring that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Use connecting phrases and conjunctions to link ideas within and between paragraphs.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples and relevant data. Providing concrete evidence strengthens your position and makes your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing the discussion on the topic.
task achievement
The writing generally addresses the prompt, giving a valid viewpoint that wealth should not be the only measure of success.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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