IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, it is illegal for companies to reject job applicants for their age. Is this a positive or negative development?

#countries #companies #job #applicants #age #development
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In recent years, there is a significant number of nations
approves
Correct subject-verb agreement
approve
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 applicants without considering about ages.
However
, each has its
on
Correct your spelling
own
show examples
 perks, I suppose that
this
 trend brings both advantages and disadvantages and the reasons will be discussed as follows. On the one hand, there are various reasons why I acknowledge that refusing job applicants relative to their
age
 may bring pros.
To begin
 with, it depends on
positions
Correct article usage
the positions
show examples
 of occupations. A case in
this
 point is jobs which are
requiring
Wrong verb form
required
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 to have
a
Remove the article
apply
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good health
such
 as construction,
heavy
Correct word choice
and heavy
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 goods transportation. These occupations are usually more suitable for young people than for older individuals.
Therefore
,
according to
 the work environments, employers are able to accept the job applicants for their
age
.
Besides
, minimizing recruitment costs and training
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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also
effect
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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companies' revenue. Young employees usually work longer, and even they can learn quickly. A prime example of
this
 is my friend has been working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
 department since he was 19. He has a great ability to absorb new languages quickly.
Thus
, he always completes his tasks before the deadline.
On the other hand
, I assume that rejecting
candidates
 because of their
age
 can cause the cons.
Fistly
Correct your spelling
First
, it is relative to legal risks. Imposing limit ages during the recruitment process can lead to
age
 discrimination.
Secondly
, it is missing out on leveraging experience. Eliminating
candidates
 based on
age
 can result in missing opportunities to leverage valuable experience and knowledge from experienced
candidates
.
Finally
, it leads to a lack of dissent. Employees of different ages often have different perspectives on issues.
Therefore
, if only hiring workers from a certain
age
 group,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will lead to a lack of diverse opinions for debate and decision-making. In conclusion, eliminating
candidates
 for their
age
 can bring both merits and downsides to employers.
Submitted by Hungmap on

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task response
In the introduction, provide a slightly clearer thesis statement to inform the reader of your stance more explicitly.
coherence cohesion
Some of the paragraphs have good points, but they lack clear topic sentences. Ensure each paragraph begins with one clear sentence that states the main point of the paragraph.
coherence cohesion
Work on the logical flow between sentences. Use more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious with minor grammatical errors and ensure proper word use. For example, 'goods transportation' should be 'goods transport,' and 'limit ages' should be 'age limits.'
task response
Your essay covers both sides of the argument, and this helps in providing a balanced view on the issue.
task response
The examples provided are relevant and help to elucidate your main points, making your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • age diversity
  • combat age discrimination
  • job opportunities
  • experienced individuals
  • vast knowledge
  • suboptimal hiring decisions
  • legal compliance
  • reverse discrimination
  • operational costs
  • health insurance
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