IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organisation. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organisation #be #case
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It is obvious that
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of positions are possessed by aged
members
Use synonyms
 in society these days.
While
Linking Words
 senior
members
Use synonyms
 have
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
advantages
Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
show examples
 of experiences in their
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
work
Use synonyms
, I truly support young
people
Use synonyms
Linking Words
also
Correct pronoun usage
who also
show examples
 demonstrate better leadership. Some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that old
people
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 who possess occupation positions, have
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 and
work
Use synonyms
 better than young
members
Use synonyms
. They can make strategic decisions and impart feasible solutions in difficult situations, and through
this
Linking Words
, they might bring financial benefit to their companies. As we all know, aged
members
Use synonyms
 are
dominant
Correct article usage
the dominant
show examples
 layer in
community
Correct article usage
the community
show examples
, and they are respected by all
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
, from young to old.
In addition
Linking Words
, the assistants who might start to
work
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nearly
Correct your spelling
nearby
show examples
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 may ask for advice,
directions
Correct word choice
and directions
show examples
 about their
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
. These directions may help them to exchange ideas, to continue their
work
Use synonyms
 better than they used to. If we look at our surroundings, we can see that young
people
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 learn new things eagerly, and they are really
creative
Correct quantifier usage
more creative
show examples
 than other old
people
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.
The
Change preposition
In the
show examples
 period that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology is developing, it is not hard to find young
people
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 who are learning IT, coding, and possessing modern occupations.
In addition
Linking Words
, youngsters get to know other colleagues quickly and they are good at working in groups. Another reason why I agree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 notion, youngsters
capable
Add a missing verb
are capable
show examples
 of undertaking responsibilities and duties in their
work
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. If
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 or chores multiply,  they can
work
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 long hours a day,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 is one of  their advantages. In
conclude
Replace the word
conclusion
show examples
, I truly agree
that
Change preposition
with that
show examples
 statement.
The society
Correct article usage
Society
show examples
 should allow and support
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
 can reveal their abilities.
Submitted by muxtasar1004 on

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task achievement
Improve clarity and specific examples. For instance, mention specific scenarios where young people have demonstrated leadership or where old people’s experience played a crucial role.
coherence cohesion
Fix grammatical errors and awkward phrasing to make the text more fluid.
progression
Ensure all ideas are well-supported. Expand on brief statements to provide substantial backing to your claims.
task achievement
Balances the advantages of both older and younger people well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employment
  • freelancing
  • entrepreneurship
  • autonomy
  • financial stability
  • work-life balance
  • financial insecurity
  • lack of support
  • resources
  • long working hours
  • uncertain income
  • job security
What to do next:
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