Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good,while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There are individuals who believe that the children’s use of gadgets benefits them, others,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, believe it is harmful.
This
Linking Words
essay will discuss both sides of opinion, and
then
Linking Words
I will give my own opinion. On the side of opinion who agree with the thesis, there are people who claim that spending time on devices
such
Linking Words
as TV and
PC
Fix the agreement mistake
PCs
show examples
is beneficial for children
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
because they can use devices in an academic way, which increases their intelligence and curiosity.
For instance
Linking Words
, video streaming apps, just
like
Change preposition
as
show examples
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
, will deepen and enhance their interests by offering videos.
Aditionary
Correct your spelling
Additionally
, letting children use devices for playing will help parents have more time to do their homework
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
since it does not require parents’ supervision.
Submitted by yusei.nakano on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

introduction conclusion
The introduction clearly states the topic and mentions that both views will be discussed, which is a good start. However, it could be improved by providing a clearer roadmap of the essay's structure. For example, briefly mention what each paragraph will address.
logical structure
You provide some reasoning for both perspectives, but the essay would benefit from more developed arguments and a balanced discussion. Make sure to provide specific examples and explanations for both views and connect them logically.
coherence grammatical accuracy
There are some grammatical mistakes and a few awkward phrases such as 'side of opinion' and 'aditionary.' Make sure to proofread your essay to eliminate these errors. Additionally, use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
content effort
The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the issue, which is essential for a balanced argument.
content support
Use of examples such as YouTube to illustrate benefits is a good strategy for supporting your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cognitive development
  • educational opportunities
  • technical skills
  • digital future
  • cultural exposure
  • screen time
  • physical health
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • violent content
  • inappropriate content
  • parental supervision
  • setting boundaries
  • behavioral impact
  • mental health
What to do next:
Look at other essays: