Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good,while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children’s #time #tv #video #pc #games

There are individuals who believe that the children’s use of gadgets benefits them, others,

on the other hand

, believe it is harmful.

This

essay will discuss both sides of opinion, and

then

I will give my own opinion. On the side of opinion who agree with the thesis, there are people who claim that spending time on devices

such

as TV and

Fix the agreement mistake

PCs

show examples

is beneficial for children

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

because they can use devices in an academic way, which increases their intelligence and curiosity.

For instance

, video streaming apps, just

Change preposition

show examples

Youtube

Correct your spelling

YouTube

show examples

, will deepen and enhance their interests by offering videos.

Aditionary

Correct your spelling

Additionally

, letting children use devices for playing will help parents have more time to do their homework

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

since it does not require parents’ supervision.

Submitted by yusei.nakano.0516 on Wed May 22 2024

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introduction conclusion

The introduction clearly states the topic and mentions that both views will be discussed, which is a good start. However, it could be improved by providing a clearer roadmap of the essay's structure. For example, briefly mention what each paragraph will address.

logical structure

You provide some reasoning for both perspectives, but the essay would benefit from more developed arguments and a balanced discussion. Make sure to provide specific examples and explanations for both views and connect them logically.

coherence grammatical accuracy

There are some grammatical mistakes and a few awkward phrases such as 'side of opinion' and 'aditionary.' Make sure to proofread your essay to eliminate these errors. Additionally, use more linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs.

content effort

The essay attempts to discuss both sides of the issue, which is essential for a balanced argument.

content support

Use of examples such as YouTube to illustrate benefits is a good strategy for supporting your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

123 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

cognitive development
educational opportunities
technical skills
digital future
cultural exposure
screen time
physical health
obesity
eye strain
violent content
inappropriate content
parental supervision
setting boundaries
behavioral impact
mental health

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Some people think children’s spending time on TV, video and PC games is good,while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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n many countries the amount of crime is increasing What do you think are the main causes of this? How can we deal with those causes?

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that any cities in the world are now "one big traffic" How true do you think this statement is? What measures can government take to discourage people from using their cars.

Many people find it hard to balance their work with other parts of their lives. What problems does this cause? How can this problem be overcome?