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Writing Samples
Band 7

The chart below show percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.

The chart below show percentages of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1997 and 2007.
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The pie charts compare the percentage of
water
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 used in five sectors in Sydney and Australia in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Sydney and Australian people used the largest proportion of
water
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 in just food
industry
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the smallest percentage of
water
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 was in the building
industry
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. On the one hand, in 1997
food
Correct article usage
the food
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industry
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 was proportion using
water
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 at 48 per
cent
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. Service
industry
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 and manufacturing were almost the same, at 13% and 15% . The second highest number of using
water
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 was households at 19 per
cent
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. Whilst the smallest data was in the building
industry
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 at 5 per
cent
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 in 1997.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2007 the indicator of the food
industry
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 was at 41 per
cent
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. The service
industry
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 and household
part
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parts
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 were relatively similar, at 25 per
cent
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 and 21 per
cent
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. In terms of manufacturing was at 11 per
cent
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 in 2007. The smallest percentage was at 2% for the building
industry
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 in Sydney and Australia.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry, cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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