Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part pf high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #pf #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children

A number of people believe it should be a requirement for high

school

programmes to include

Remove the article

apply

show examples

unpaid

community

service

, like working for charity,

teaching

Correct word choice

or teaching

show examples

sports to younger children. I completely agree with

this

idea and consider it as a helpful way to educate pupils that

also

can benefit them with the future job aspects. First of all,

community

service

teaches teenagers how to be responsible in life. Participating in the organization of different events illustrates the importance of planning, and

also

showcases the main strategies and rules one should follow.

Therefore

, by being a part of the team youngster can take away with them many lessons, including responsibility and its importance.

For instance

, children who during the

school

participate in

variety

Add an article

a variety

show examples

of courses, like dancing, swimming, and gardening develop

such

traits as

reponsibility

Correct your spelling

responsibility

confidence

Correct word choice

and confidence

show examples

and are considered to be more well-rounded.

Secondly

, putting oneself in many different situations and trying new things can help teenagers to better understand what they want to do after graduation. A vast variety of options in

community

service

provides more chances for children to choose what they would like to do.

Following

this

, during the

service

, they

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

not only work

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apply

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but

also

learn and discover new things themselves.

According to

some

researches

Fix the agreement mistake

research

show examples

, people who

was

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were

show examples

able to find the profession they are passionate about

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apply

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had tried many other positions before finding the right one.

In other words

community

services that high schools provide can play a significant role in

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

figuring out a place of occupation. All in all, I agree with the idea of making unpaid

community

service

Change preposition

apply

show examples

compulsary

Correct your spelling

compulsory

part of high

school

. Because it sets a stage for the child's future by educating them and helping to define the direction they would like to choose after graduating

school

Change preposition

from school

show examples

Submitted by katenok200312 on Wed May 22 2024

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task achievement

While the essay offers a clear stance on the topic, it can benefit from more specific examples to support the main points. For instance, including real-life examples or anecdotes might make the arguments more compelling.

task achievement

Ensure that all arguments are equally developed. For example, the second paragraph could delve deeper into how responsibility and confidence are developed through community work.

coherence cohesion

To improve coherence, use more cohesive devices (e.g., moreover, furthermore) to link ideas between paragraphs more clearly. The transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.

coherence cohesion

The logical structure of the essay is strong, with each paragraph contributing to the central argument.

task achievement

The main points are clearly supported by examples, particularly in the second and third paragraphs.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

299 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part pf high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In the past, knowledge is contained in books. Nowadays, knowledge is uploaded to the internet. Do the adventages of this outweigh the disadventages.

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Longer life spans and improvements in the health of older people suggest that people over the age of sixty-five can continue to live full and active lives. In what ways can society benefit from the contribution that older people can make?