IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

ART CLASSES, SUCH AS PAINTING AND DRAWING, AE AS IMPORTANT TO A CHILD'S DEVELOPMENT AS OTHER SUBJECTS, SO IT SHOULD BE COMPULSORY IN HIGH SCHOOLS. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE ?

#art #classes #ae #child #development #subjects #schools
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
SOME OTHER PEOPLE THINK THAT
ART
Use synonyms
 COURSES SHOULD BE TAUGHT IN SCHOOLS AND THESE COURSES SHOULD CONTAIN A WIDE RANGE OF MATERIALS,
WHILE
Linking Words
 PEOPLE THINK THAT IT SHOULD BE COMPULSORY IN HIGH SCHOOLS. PERSONALLY, I AGREE
THIS
Linking Words
 POINT OF VIEW AND WITH HIGHLIGHT THE REASONS WHY IN THE FOLLOWING ESSAY. IT IS VITAL TO UNDERSTAND THAT THEY BELIEVE
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 SHOULD SPEND MORE TIME ON THESE SUBJECTS TO SUCCEED IN THEIR FUTURE CAREERS. BUT
ALSO
Linking Words
 PREPARE THEM FOR THE MODERN WORKPLACE, WHERE CREATIVITY IS HIGHLY VALUED. THEY LEARN TO THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX AND EXPRESS THEMSELVES FREELY. THE ASSERTION SEEMS PRETTY CONTROVERSIAL IN COMMUNITIES LIKE
ART
Use synonyms
 AND MUSIC ARE NECESSARY
ON THE CONTRARY
Linking Words
. ANOTHER POINT WORTH CONSIDERING IS THAT
ART
Use synonyms
 LESSONS CAN BROADEN
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
' HORIZONS AND ENRICH THEIR HOBBIES.
SECONDLY
Linking Words
, SOME
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 MAY DISCOVER THEIR PASSION FOR
ART
Use synonyms
 THROUGH THESE COMPULSORY LESSONS. IN THE SUCCEEDING MONOGRAPH, I INTEND TO DELVE INTO THE PROS AND CONS
AS WELL AS
Linking Words
 JUSTIFY MY ASSISTANCE.
TO SUM UP
Linking Words
, FOSTERING CREATIVITY,
ART
Use synonyms
 EDUCATION EQUIPS
STUDENTS
Use synonyms
 WITH ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR SUCCESS IN BOTH THEIR ACADEMIC AND PERSONAL LIVES. SO AS TO FIND THEIR TALENTS TO WASTE THEIR LIVES THAT ARE NOT ENJOYABLE .
Submitted by [email protected] on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure. Make sure each paragraph flows well into the next.
coherence cohesion
Rework the introduction to clearly state your position and outline the main points that will be discussed. This will help to set up a stronger argument.
task achievement
Include specific examples or evidence to support your points. This can help to make your arguments more convincing and comprehensive.
task achievement
Clarify your ideas and make sure each paragraph addresses a single point related to the topic. This will help you to stay on track and develop each argument fully.
task achievement
You have some strong points that highlight the importance of art education for children's development and future careers.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion attempts to summarize the main points discussed, which helps to bring closure to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: