IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Art classes such as painting and drawing, are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree ?

Art
Use synonyms
classroom
Change the noun form
classrooms
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as drawing and painting,
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
play an important role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a child's development as
other
Change the wording
another lesson
other lessons
show examples
lesson
Use synonyms
, so it should be vital in tertiary schools.
This
Linking Words
 writer
believe
Change the verb form
believes
show examples
 that it's necessary
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 in high schools. It is true that
art
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital subject that
help
Change the verb form
helps
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 find their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in future. If children have a dream to become an architect, customer designer or in fashion,
arts
Change the noun form
art
show examples
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 will be the best subject can support
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their dream.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
 that student are being taught
also
Linking Words
 help them to
increased
Change the verb
increase
show examples
 their creativity and make them draw fluently. With painting and
colored
Replace the word
colouring
show examples
,
art
Use synonyms
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 can
also
Linking Words
 know more about
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
characterize
Replace the word
characteristics
show examples
 through their paintings. From
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 they can
have
Verb problem
be
show examples
 more sympathetic
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 them and help them in life to
released
Change the form of the verb
release
show examples
 something in their mind that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 confused and embarrassed.
However
Linking Words
, some individuals see that
art
Use synonyms
 is not necessary because they
don’t
Use synonyms
 have passion
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
 it or they
Use synonyms
don’t
Verb problem
aren’t
show examples
 good at it so they
don’t
Use synonyms
 have to
spent
Change the verb
spend
show examples
 time on
art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
. But it can’t
say
Wrong verb form
be said
show examples
 that
art
Use synonyms
 classes are useless ,
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can help
people
Use synonyms
provide
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 more skills in finding
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 career and jobs they want in future. What is more,
people
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 relax and get more time to enjoy and
felt
Wrong verb form
feel
show examples
 more comfortable when
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
art
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
show examples
. In conclusion,
Art
Use synonyms
 classes are very important in high schools because some
people
Use synonyms
are need
Change the verb form
need
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 a lot
in finding
Change preposition
to find
show examples
someone
Change noun form
someone's
show examples
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
. But some
people
Use synonyms
 can’t draw so they
don’t
Use synonyms
 need to spend time on it for
true
Replace the word
truth
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well but requires more specific examples to strengthen the argument. Consider including examples or case studies to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
The introduction needs to be clearer and well-structured. The current introduction is somewhat confusing. Make sure to clearly state your position and outline the main points you will discuss.
coherence cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences and grammatical errors to improve clarity. Reading the essay out loud or using grammar checking tools can help.
task achievement
The essay identifies relevant benefits of art education, such as career support and creativity enhancement.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion restates the main argument, ensuring the reader understands the writer's position.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • enhances
  • creativity
  • imagination
  • innovatively
  • curriculum
  • mental health
  • emotional expression
  • stress relief
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving skills
  • creatively
  • cultural diversity
  • artistic traditions
  • compulsory
  • well-rounded education
  • academic performance
  • concentrate
  • attention to detail
  • persevere
What to do next:
Look at other essays: