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Band 5

It is neither nor useful to provide university places for a high proportion of young people. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#university #places #proportion #people
Nowadays, the
number
 of young people is increasing gradually every year.
This
 leads to the issue which makes some people think
that is
 worthless and impossible to provide university spaces for everyone. I completely disagree with
this
 opinion for the following reasons I'll mention below.
Due to
 the increase in
number
 of young graduates, universities are not able to occupy all of them at the same time. One way to overcome
this
 challenge would be to establish a certain system by the responsible authorities and the government that records the
number
 of high school graduates every year and
prepare
Correct subject-verb agreement
prepares
show examples
 the universities.
For example
, provide new job opportunities,
such
 as new lab scientists, examiners, and professors.
Additionally
, the university should update its colleges and open new degrees in which
students
 can spread out throughout the campus. By following
such
 approach the university will be ready to handle a huge
number
 of new joiners every year. Looking from another perspective, some professions require a college
degree
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 being a doctor, or an engineer. The respected facility must ensure that
students
 understand every aspect of the
degree
, and they must ensure that the graduate went through sufficient time of studying and training in the field as well. For that reason,
students
 must pursue a college
degree
 to chase their dreams. In conclusion, each problem must have a solution;
therefore
,
students
 deserve to get the chance to complete a college
degree
 which in return will benefit the country's economy as well.
Submitted by norahhamad98 on

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coherence cohesion
The logical structure could be improved by ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly to the next. Try to use more transitional phrases to connect ideas seamlessly.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion, which is good. However, the conclusion should briefly summarize the main points discussed in the essay to reinforce your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and provides relevant points. However, you could strengthen your argument by offering more specific examples or case studies to support your main points.
task achievement
Make sure that your ideas are fully developed. Sometimes, your points feel a bit rushed and could benefit from more detail to make them clearer and more comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position on the topic, and your conclusion reiterates this effectively.
task achievement
You’ve addressed the task by discussing both the challenges and solutions to providing university places for young people.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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