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Band 5

In a number o f countries, some people thin k it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#f #countries #people #k #sums #money #railway #lines #trains #cities #transport
Nowadays,
people
 are nomadic, they often move from place to place. In several
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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 whether
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
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 developed or developing countries, society needs the proper accommodation for school, work, holidays etc. Both perspectives spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast
trains
 or improving existing public
transport
. Both of them have their own advantages, and I will elaborate
those
Change preposition
on those
show examples
 views before presenting my own argument. There are a number of strong reasons to support the idea that the funds from the government should be allocated to constructing new railway lines for very fast
trains
.
First,
we need to know that
trains
 with high speed can significantly reduce travel times between
Correct article usage
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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major cities, and it will make the journey more efficient.
This
 will improve the economy since businesses can expand their operation and
people
 will choose the train as the fastest accommodation to move.
Secondly
, Investing
to
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in
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this
 will
also
 develop the country's technology and innovation. Job creation will
also
 increase during the construction phase and beyond.
In addition
,
high speed
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high-speed
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trains
 sometimes are more environmentally friendly than public
transport
 as they produce lower emissions per passenger.
On the other hand
,
Investating
Correct your spelling
Investing
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving public
transport
 is
also
 the right choice. As we know
that
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apply
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we cannot generalize that all
people
 use fast
trains
, sometimes in several areas there is a large proportion of the population who rely on public
transport
such
 as buses,
subway
Fix the agreement mistake
subways
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, etc as their daily transportation.
First,
Improvement of public
transport
 can be in the form of, upgrading the infrastructure,
services
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and services
show examples
,
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apply
show examples
 and ensuring better accessibility for all citizens. The result will be more exclusive and even can have a faster positive impact on urban mobility. In my opinion, the immediate focus should be on upgrading the existing public
transport
. Note
, The
Correct your spelling
that the
 majority of the population relies on these services for their daily commute, it's cheaper, and it is easy to find throughout the region. With
this
, society will be easier to move, whether for students to go to school or even workers. I think it will be more useful and helpful for the citizens.
Moreover
, Public
transport
 is not that bad for the country, with the
amount
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number
show examples
 of
people
 who
oftenly
Correct your spelling
often
 use it, it will reduce the traffic jams, and population rather than
use
Wrong verb form
using
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 private transportation. So
i
Change the capitalization
I
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 think, the funds will be better if allocated to improving the existing public
transport
 because it is helpful for
people
 daily.
Submitted by igbalalfariezy on

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task achievement
Work on ensuring that your ideas are fully supported with specific examples or evidence. Try to give concrete instances from real life or well-known scenarios to back your points.
coherence cohesion
Enhance logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. Sometimes, transitions seemed abrupt or ideas were underdeveloped. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly leads to the next.
language usage
Aim for more precision in using vocabulary and grammar. Minor inaccuracies do not affect the overall meaning, but strive for greater accuracy to enhance clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by outlining both perspectives and stating that you will elaborate on them before presenting your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You provided a clear conclusion that summarized your stance and reiterated your main points, which helps tie the essay together.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the topic and discusses valid points for both perspectives, such as the impact on the economy, technology, job creation, and environmental considerations.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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