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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The bar chart below shows the average monthly maximum temperatures for three Australian cities in the year 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the average monthly maximum temperatures for three Australian cities in the year 2016. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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Contained in the given bar chart is the information related to average temperatures in a month of three different Australian urban areas
by
Change preposition
in
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 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
 , it can be observed that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Darwin had the highest average monthly
temperature
Use synonyms
 throughout
this
Linking Words
 year ,
whereas
Linking Words
 Perth saw the least .
Additionally
Linking Words
 , July was seen as the month where the disparity between these average
Use synonyms
temperature
Fix the agreement mistake
temperatures
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 was most noticeable . Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the first 6 months where the
temperature
Use synonyms
 of Darwin experienced a slight increase to about 33
Use synonyms
Degree
Fix the agreement mistake
Degrees
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 Celcius before decreasing to just over 30 by June . As for
Melbourme
Correct your spelling
Melbourne
 and Perth , both of them were nearly 25 and 27
Use synonyms
Degree
Fix the agreement mistake
Degrees
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 at the beginning of the year ,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 they fell gradually until the end of spring
where
Correct word choice
when
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 there was a balance in
avareage
Correct your spelling
average
temperature
Use synonyms
 between
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 cities at exactly 23.8
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
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. Afterwards , they continued
this
Linking Words
 decreasing trend and reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
just under 15 and 20 in June , respectively. Turning to the remaining months
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the average
temperature
Use synonyms
 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 cities increased . Taking a look at Darwine, for the first 4-month period , it witnessed
a
Correct article usage
apply
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slow growth but soon dropped to about 32.6
Use synonyms
degree
Change to a plural noun
degrees
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of
year
Add an article
the year
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 . Spending focus on the other urban areas , Melbourne and Perth , these had an identical pattern by gradually going up in
later
Correct article usage
the later
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 half to around 25
Use synonyms
degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
show examples
celcius
Correct your spelling
celsius

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words temperature, degree with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "gradually" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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