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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think it is better for children to grown up in the city, while others think that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. What are the advantages and disadvantages of both places.

#people #children #city #life #countryside #places
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Some individuals believe that raising
children
 in the country is an ideal option,
while
 others think that cities provide a much better living opportunity. In
this
 essay, the advantages and disadvantages of both places will be discussed.
Firstly
, the countryside allows
children
 to be in touch with nature, taking care of animals and helping with gardening.
As a result
,
children
 can learn to protect the environment and live without modern conveniences.
Additionally
, they are able to play outside without being concerned about their safety as when they are in the
city
, where they are kept inside and driven towards using smartphones and computers.
On the contrary
, schools in the
city
 typically offer lower-quality education and it can be challenging to find extracurricular activities.
Children
 can encounter many challenges when participating in extracurricular activities outside of the classroom.
However
, schools in metropolitan areas tend to have better quality and offer all kinds of activities. It is still feasible to find a sport or art course in the
city
.
As a result
, it can be much simpler for all kids to discover their abilities and hobbies at an early age.
On the other hand
, parents constantly have to be conscious of the security, pollution, and lack of access to nature.
Therefore
, a
city
 where kids could play in parks and gardens would be a preferable choice.
To sum up
, growing up in the countryside can be very positive for someone’s childhood, but the
city
 will usually offer better opportunities for their
talents’
Change noun form
talents
show examples
 development.
Submitted by anhpham.712688 on

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task achievement
You have presented a balanced discussion of the topic, highlighting both advantages and disadvantages of growing up in the countryside and the city. To enhance your task response further, try to include more specific examples and supporting details that illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the transition between some ideas could be smoother. Try using more varied linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
Make sure to fully develop each main point with sufficient elaboration and specific examples. This will not only support your arguments but also make your essay more engaging. Additionally, ensure that your argument in each paragraph is complete before moving to the next point.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your ideas are clearly expressed, and you have logically presented the advantages and disadvantages of both living environments.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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