Parents should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well anbd give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a dispute as to whether caregivers should participate in childraising-related
classes
or not. The writer of this
essay partially agrees with this
statement due to
the job opportunities in the future compare
to the potential risk of getting diseases.
It is obvious that the action of attending parental courses can have a positive bearing on the career of Change the form of the verb
compared
children
in the future. To be more specific, by involving in these classes
, parents
can accumulate fundamental knowlegde
about what happens Correct your spelling
knowledge
in
their Change preposition
to
children
at certain ages. Therefore
, appropriate methods and strategies can be applied to each child to provoke their potentials
in different fields and enhance them leading to Fix the agreement mistake
potential
the
job prospects in life. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, excessive reseachs
have shown that Correct your spelling
researches
research
researchers
children
who were educated in
the early Change preposition
at
ages
by Fix the agreement mistake
age
parents
attending parental classes
accounted for nearly 73% in
acquiring rewarding careers when these individuals became adults.
Change preposition
of
Nonetheless
, the writer would contend that attending parenting courses may present certain limitations including the higher threat of diseases. In fact, individuals have to distribute their time to work and other aspects of life. In
a particular level, concentrating excessively forces Change preposition
On
parents
to balance career
and activities for educating Fix the agreement mistake
careers
children
which puts a straint
on Correct your spelling
strain
the
Correct article usage
apply
overall
health. As a result
, parents
have a prospensity
to be infected Correct your spelling
propensity
health
problems Change preposition
with health
such
as insomnia or depression. Therefore
, parents
should allocate suitable time for both activities.
In conclusion, considering the limitations for children
and parents
, the writer believes attending parental classes
is a holistic approach to educate
Wrong verb form
educating
children
in this
day and age.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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language and grammar
Work on correcting minor grammatical errors (e.g., "prospensity" should be "propensity," "strait" should be "strain," etc.). This will help in making your essay more polished.
task response
Try to be more explicit in expressing your agreement or disagreement in the thesis statement. This will make your position clearer from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smoother. For example, you could use sentences to link the ideas between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task response
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments. The statistics about children's job prospects are particularly effective.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in presenting a well-rounded argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and logically presented, making your essay easy to follow.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?