IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Parents should be required to attend parenting courses every year to bring up their children well anbd give them a better environment for growth. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#parents #courses #year #children #anbd #environment #growth
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There is a dispute as to whether caregivers should participate in childraising-related
classes
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 or not. The writer of
this
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 essay partially agrees with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the job opportunities in the future
compare
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compared
show examples
 to the potential risk of getting diseases. It is obvious that the action of attending parental courses can have a positive bearing on the career of
children
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 in the future. To be more specific, by involving in these
classes
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,
parents
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 can accumulate fundamental
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 about what happens
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their
children
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 at certain ages.
Therefore
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, appropriate methods and strategies can be applied to each child to provoke their
potentials
Fix the agreement mistake
potential
show examples
 in different fields and enhance them leading to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job prospects in life.
For example
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, excessive
reseachs
Correct your spelling
researches
research
researchers
 have shown that
children
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 who were educated
in
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at
show examples
 the early
ages
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age
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 by
parents
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 attending parental
classes
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 accounted for nearly 73%
in
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of
show examples
 acquiring rewarding careers when these individuals became adults.
Nonetheless
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, the writer would contend that attending parenting courses may present certain limitations including the higher threat of diseases. In fact, individuals have to distribute their time to work and other aspects of life.
In
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On
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 a particular level, concentrating excessively forces
parents
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 to balance
career
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careers
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 and activities for educating
children
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 which puts a
straint
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strain
 on
the
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apply
show examples
overall
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 health.
As a result
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,
parents
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 have a
prospensity
Correct your spelling
propensity
 to be infected
health
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with health
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 problems
such
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 as insomnia or depression.
Therefore
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,
parents
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 should allocate suitable time for both activities. In conclusion, considering the limitations for
children
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 and
parents
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, the writer believes attending parental
classes
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 is a holistic approach to
educate
Wrong verb form
educating
show examples
children
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 in
this
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 day and age.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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language and grammar
Work on correcting minor grammatical errors (e.g., "prospensity" should be "propensity," "strait" should be "strain," etc.). This will help in making your essay more polished.
task response
Try to be more explicit in expressing your agreement or disagreement in the thesis statement. This will make your position clearer from the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure transitions between paragraphs are smoother. For example, you could use sentences to link the ideas between paragraphs to enhance the flow of your essay.
task response
You provided relevant and specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your arguments. The statistics about children's job prospects are particularly effective.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which aids in presenting a well-rounded argument.
coherence and cohesion
Your main points are well-supported and logically presented, making your essay easy to follow.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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