Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?
An argument has arisen between the two groups. Some nations believe that their citizens are obliged to do army service right after they graduate from school, especially for the boys. Others are attracted to
adopt
Wrong verb form
adopting
this
Linking Words
system
. I agree with the notion that other countries are suggested to apply Use synonyms
this
policy since it will enforce the defence Linking Words
system
. I will elaborate more about my point of view in Use synonyms
this
essay.
Linking Words
Firstly
, adopting the military service Linking Words
system
for the communities will increase their nationalism. Use synonyms
For example
, if young men are required to enrol their names Linking Words
to
the camp, they will be taught a lot of materials related to the history of their countries Change preposition
on
along with
what their states Linking Words
inherit
Wrong verb form
inherited
to
them. Change preposition
from
As a result
, the sense of belonging to their nations increases. Linking Words
However
, there should be a different treatment for common citizens compared to the real army. They should not be trained tougher than the defence force even though they are Linking Words
also
prepared to face the war, but Linking Words
still
they are not the main force.
Add a comma
still,
In addition
, another positive impact of adopting a military Linking Words
system
is that it will enhance people's discipline. Use synonyms
For instance
, there is a strict mandatory schedule that should be followed by the participants. If they come late, they will get punished. From here, they learn not to waste Linking Words
the
time and to always come punctually. Correct article usage
apply
Although
the rule is strict enough, the organizer still needs to make some Linking Words
exception
for those who truly can not participate Fix the agreement mistake
exceptions
on
the schedule Change preposition
in
due to
some reasons.
Linking Words
To sum up
, adopting Linking Words
military
service Correct article usage
a military
system
is suggested for many countries since it has many advantages, Use synonyms
such
as, it will raise the citizens' nationalism and discipline as well.Linking Words
Submitted by srsdy008 on
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the introduction by clearly outlining the structure of your essay. This can help improve logical structure and coherence.
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Ensure you expand on your ideas with more in-depth examples and explanations to better illustrate your points.
task achievement
Some sentences could be clearer. Try to simplify complex sentences for better readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, contributing well to the overall structure.
task achievement
The discussion is relevant and stays on topic, addressing multiple aspects of military service.