The use of mobile phone is as antisocial as smoking. Smoking is banned in certain places so mobile phone should be banned like smoking. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
While
it is widely claim
that the usage of mobile Change the verb form
is widely claimed
phone
in certain Fix the agreement mistake
phones
place
should be banned like smoking, others argue that raising awareness of cell Fix the agreement mistake
places
phone
ettiquetes
Correct your spelling
etiquettes
etiquette
need
to be Change the verb form
needs
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasised
instead
. Both point
of Fix the agreement mistake
points
views
and reasons why I agree with the latter Fix the agreement mistake
view
statment
will be elaborated on in Correct your spelling
statement
this
essay.
To begin
with, it may seem sensible for some to believe that smartphones must not allowed in some area
. Fix the agreement mistake
areas
This
is possibly
because inappropriate uses of mobile Replace the adverb
possible
phone
can considered Fix the agreement mistake
phones
as
disturbance towards others Correct your spelling
a
such
as noise pollution or flashy screen
. Fix the agreement mistake
screens
For instance
, it can be clearly seen in the movie theatre as people need the
concentration to focus on the movie and it is rude and annoying to hear people making Correct article usage
apply
phone
call
or Fix the agreement mistake
calls
scroll
down the Wrong verb form
scrolling
phone
. Secondly
, it could lead to a legal issue if
smartphone users . Take Change preposition
for
hospital
, Add an article
a hospital
for example
; it is generally prohibit
from any recordings except Change the verb form
is generally prohibited
those
who have Change preposition
for those
consent
of the official authorities as it will considered to violate the personal privacy of other patients Add an article
the consent
as well as
the medical staff.
However
, many opponent
of Change to a plural noun
opponents
this
idea might oppose that restricting the use of these device
is somewhat . Change the determiner
this device
these devices
To simply
explain, encouraging Change preposition
Simply
appropriate
manner of using Correct article usage
an appropriate
this
technology can create a prolong
solution. To exemplify, just like the Change the form of the verb
prolonged
sayings
"where there is a will, there is a way", some Fix the agreement mistake
saying
peoples
who Fix the agreement mistake
people
is
stubborn and Change the verb form
are
impulse
to use Add an article
the impulse
an impulse
phone
will always seek their way to use it.
Add an article
the phone
Therefore
, I personally argue in favour of focusing on the proper ettiquete
seeing that Correct your spelling
etiquette
this
should applied equally and its
difficult to prohibit, especially in terms of dealing with massive crowds. To illustrate, in a concert setting Replace the word
it's
it is
where
Correct word choice
that
it
similar to theatre Correct your spelling
is
that
we should Correct word choice
apply
vibing
through our eyes not our Change the verb form
vibe
be vibing
phone
. In Fix the agreement mistake
phones
this
respect, the manner of using this
gadget should be emphasis
rather than prohibited.
In conclusion, Replace the word
emphasised
although
it is undeniable that mobile phones create some dissatisfactions toward the
society Correct article usage
apply
in particular
space and banning should be taken into consideration, I am of the opinion that in order to generate a prolong
solution yet building up a manner.Replace the word
prolonged
Submitted by kamonluck1999 on
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coherence
Consider revising the introduction to clearly outline the essay's arguments. For example, 'This essay will discuss both viewpoints and explain why I agree with the latter statement.'
coherence
Work on grammatical accuracy to avoid basic errors, such as missing articles and incorrect verb forms. Proofreading can catch many of these mistakes.
task response
Develop the main points more comprehensively. For example, the legal issue point could be expanded to cover potential repercussions of violating privacy.
task response
Use more specific and varied examples to support your arguments. This adds credibility and depth to your essay. For instance, mention specific laws or regulations regarding phone use in hospitals.
coherence
The essay presents both sides of the argument, which indicates a balanced approach.
task response
The main points are supported with relevant examples, such as the disturbance caused by phones in movie theatres.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.