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Band 5.5

many chilren are encouraged by their parent to get a part time job. what are the advantages and disadvantages to children doing so?

#chilren #parent #part #time #job #children
It is widely believed that working
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at on
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on
Correct your spelling
an
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 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
 could be prolific for
children
. Many families,
therefore
, motivate their young ones to land a part-time
job
. Clearly, there are both merits and demerits to
this
 matter. The advantages of pupils' employment are seen by some to be significant. One obvious advantage is that they would benefit personally in that they might get familiar with the work atmosphere.
In other words
, they may attain some new skills, one of which, is the ability to be a good team player which is a must in the
job
 market. There could be a
further
 advantage to working
of
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for
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 the young, owing to the fact that they might learn the value of money.
This
 awareness is achieved when
children
 realize how hard one should work to get paid which is not possible unless they
endeaver
Correct your spelling
solve
 the difficulties of earning money.
It is clear that
 it is just half of the picture.
This
 matter should be considered on a broader canvas. There are,
however
, certain disadvantages to
children
's working. Considering How stressful it could be
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in a
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a
Correct article usage
the
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 workplace, youngsters may possibly suffer mentally. Since
,
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apply
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 they are young, they might take
job
 challenges way
to
Correct your spelling
too
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 seriously. They,
additionally
, do not have any experience in handling work pressure.
therefore
, some mental adverse effects would be inevitable. There seems
also
 to be another disadvantage. when the young are taken on for a position, they will be in contact with individuals of various ages which might contribute to learning about subjects that youngsters are not ready to receive. An example to illustrate
this
 is subjects related to adults which could spoil
children
's thoughts toward their parents.
To conclude
, the truth is that the young working in part-time occupations could be fruitful in terms of preparation for the
job
 market and monetary matters. So,
this
 is a great way to broaden
overall
 experience and knowledge.
However
, we should not lose sight of the fact that there might be consequences which affect pupils' attitudes and mental health.
Submitted by h.safaralizade on

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task achievement
The essay provides a complete and relevant response to the task prompt, discussing both advantages and disadvantages of part-time jobs for children. However, try to incorporate more specific examples to strengthen points.
task achievement
The ideas are clear and comprehensive. To enhance this even further, ensure that each point is fully explained and supported by evidence or examples.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical structure overall, try to ensure smoother transitions between some paragraphs to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic, and the conclusion summarizes the key points well. Ensure that both the introduction and conclusion are concise and directly related to the main body of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all main points are well-supported with details or examples, which would make the arguments more persuasive.
task achievement
The essay covers the task requirements thoroughly, addressing both advantages and disadvantages of part-time jobs for children.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly presented and relevant to the topic.
coherence cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are both present and well-articulated, framing the essay effectively.

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