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Importance should be given to the academic subjects by the schools. Music and sports should not be as a subject. Do you agree or disagree. Give reasons and examples for your answer.

#importance #subjects #schools #music #sports
Education
 is by far the most important thing for the societies. Some people think that it is crucial to teach academic
sucjects
Correct your spelling
subjects
 at schools rather than
music
 and
sports
while
 others oppose
this
 idea. I personally disagree with the given idea because I think that
music
 and
sports
 are as important as the other academic
subjects
. First of all, life is not made up of academic issues at all.
Nevertheless
, it has many paradigms ,
such
 as science, industry,
education
, leisure time activities and so on.
Thus
, it would be meaningless if
education
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 focused on only academic
subjects
 at schools. Being taught
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
music
 and
sports
are
Verb problem
is as
show examples
assignificant
Correct your spelling
important
 as being taught
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
science-related academic
lessons
. If only academic
subjects
 were taught at school, students would be full
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 academic issues, and become so
stressful
Replace the word
stressed
show examples
 and overloaded.
Secondly
, every student is special and not all the students are interested in academic
lessons
. Having only academic
lessons
 at school would make these students feel ignored and
at the end
 of the day, they might feel lost or might lose their personality and when they graduate, they would become unhappy and hopeless individuals.
Therefore
, it is very important that
education
 is equal for every individual. To put
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 a nutshell, it has been always a controversial issue whether
music
 or
sports
 should be taught at schools or only serious
subjects
, like maths, physics, biology, etc must be taught. In my view, the importance of
music
 and
sports
lessons
 should not be underestimated.
Submitted by svdnruslu on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Maintain the clarity of your ideas; while your points are generally clear, refining the language slightly will help convey your arguments more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between paragraphs by using more transitional phrases. This will make your essay more cohesive and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion which effectively frame your argument.
coherence cohesion
The main points of your argument are well-supported, demonstrating a solid understanding of the topic.
task achievement
You provide a complete response to the prompt, addressing both sides of the debate and explaining your own perspective clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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