IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Young people are often influenced in their behaviors by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

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There are controversial perspectives heating up a debate over
peer
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pressure
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.
While
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 some hold a strong view that
peer
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pressure
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 plays a paramount imperative role in
people
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’s lives, the opposite makes a statement that it brings different negative impacts.
This
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 phenomenon has both pros and cons.
However
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, its
advantage
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advantages
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 cannot overshadow its
disadvantage
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disadvantages
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. Without a shadow of a doubt,
people
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 always strive to become a better version of themselves and
peer
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pressure
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 can be a great advocate for an individual’s motivation.
For instance
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, if someone is insecure about their academic outcomes,
suffering
Correct word choice
or suffering
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peer
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pressure
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 from outstanding students in their school,
then
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, they will put themselves into a disciplined plan of study and lifestyle. With the support of
peer
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pressure
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’s influence and self-discipline, they have the courage to explore new things, absorb valuable knowledge and gain better results in their study.
Hence
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,
peer
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pressure
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 can help
people
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 improve themselves positively.
However
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,
beside
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besides
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 those
people
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 who consider
peer
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pressure
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 an aid to their momentums, a great majority of
people
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 find it limits their ability to grow since everyone is unique in their own way, having their own pace, talents, and hobbies. If someone is suffering from
peer
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pressure
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, perhaps they will try at all costs to catch up with others despite the fact that the field they are pursuing is none of their
favorites
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favourites
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.
Therefore
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, chasing after someone else’s success just because of the feeling towards
peer
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pressure
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 is a waste of time. They should focus on their own career and personal growth. In conclusion,
peer
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pressure
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 is a common phenomenon existing before now which creates an enormous impact on individuals’ lives.
However
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,
peer
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pressure
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 can act as a harmful obstacle or a potential opportunity for change depending on how
people
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 perceive and compromise with it.

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task achievement
To improve task response, make sure that all ideas are fully developed and supported with relevant examples. You could include more comprehensive details about the negative impacts of peer pressure, as well as any potential balance between pros and cons.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, try to strengthen the logical structure of the essay. Some transitions between ideas could be more fluid, ensuring each paragraph connects seamlessly to the next. Use more connectors and conjunctions to achieve a smoother flow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
The main points are well identified and generally supported with examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • behavior
  • age group
  • peer pressure
  • distinct
  • advantages
  • disadvantages
  • motivate
  • excel
  • positive behaviors
  • substance abuse
  • bullying
  • risky activities
  • belonging
  • acceptance
  • anxiety
  • stress
  • low self-esteem
  • conform
  • individuality
  • personal growth
  • decision-making skills
  • situations
  • resist
  • healthy balance
  • personal development
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