IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people complain that they have difficulties getting enough sleep. What problems can lack of sleep cause? What can be done about lack of sleeo?

#people #difficulties #lack #sleeo
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In the modern world, it is argued that sleeping is not
taking
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
 seriously as before. Some factors which influence
this
 trend can be managed.
This
 essay will discuss problems caused by
lack
 of sleep and give possible solutions to avoid
lack
 of sleep. It will outline the
ineffeciency
Correct your spelling
inefficiency
 of human beings
as a result
 of
lack
 of sleep and point at the importance
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 reducing
work
 overload to sleep well
as well as
mantaining
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 diet,
physical
Correct word choice
and physical
show examples
 and mental health.
Lack
 of sleep can cause inefficiency in human beings which results in accidents. Fatigue and tiredness tend to overwhelm human beings when they
lack
sleeping
Change the form of the verb
sleep
show examples
. The
body
 requires enough rest and when
this
 is not permitted it will shut down anytime. Overworking causes
body
Add an article
the body
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 to be sore. A
body
 which is sore from overworking might not get enough
from
Change preposition
apply
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a sleep
Remove the article
sleep
a night of sleep
show examples
 but requires treatment. Accidents
in
Change preposition
on
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 roads and at
work
 are sometimes a result of
non sleeping
Add a hyphen
non-sleeping
show examples
 people. When a
body
 is sore performance is decreased. It is advised to
take
Verb problem
get
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 enough sleep in order to perform duties swiftly. Accidents
causes
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cause
show examples
 serious damage
in
Change preposition
to
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 human life there it is encouraged to
take
Verb problem
get
show examples
 enough sleep to avoid mishaps. It is now an individual call to be responsible in doing what is best to avoid
Correct article usage
the consequencies
show examples
consequencies
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of not sleeping. Reducing
work
 overload is
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the solution to combat fatigue. It is not advisable to
work
 overload as
this
 causes the
body
 to be sore. Healthy eating
according to
 dieticians
provide
Correct subject-verb agreement
provides
show examples
 remedies to human health.
This
 greatly constitutes
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
show examples
 of mind and
body
 and
work
 for those who are consistent
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the practice. Normal hours of working time per day and
correct
Correct article usage
a correct
show examples
 diet
is
Change the verb form
are
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 essential in
mainting
Correct your spelling
maintaining
 a wonderful balance
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 sleep and
work
. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 sleeping is essential.
Work
 overloads should be reduced and
deiting
Correct your spelling
dieting
editing
as well as
 physical health are encouraged. Governments and stakeholders must
pernalise
Correct your spelling
penalise
 those who
work
 overwork themselves
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 more tax.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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task achievement
To improve your task response, ensure you address all parts of the question comprehensively. Expand on the consequences of sleep deprivation and suggest more concrete solutions.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, try to ensure a smoother flow of ideas. Use transitional phrases more effectively to link paragraphs and ideas.
coherence cohesion
Make sure your main points are well-supported with relevant examples or evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and provide a solid foundation for your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame the discussion effectively.
task achievement
You have identified some key issues related to sleep deprivation, such as accidents and inefficiency, which are relevant and important points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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