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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the percentage change in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality.

The chart below shows the percentage change in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality.
The supplied line graph indicates the proportion of
Replace the word
change
show examples
changing
Replace the word
change
show examples
 in whole
crime
Use synonyms
 arrests for
people
Use synonyms
 who are under 18 years old by neighbourhood over a
Correct your spelling
three-year
three_year
Correct your spelling
three-year
 period. It can be clearly seen that the percentage of
crime
Use synonyms
change
Use synonyms
 in Rural and
Citiy
Correct your spelling
city
 areas for individual persons under 18 experienced a gradual decrease.
However
Linking Words
,the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
change
Use synonyms
 in
crime
Use synonyms
 arrests in suburban regions for
people
Use synonyms
 who are under 18 years old fluctuated over the period. In 1995,the
proporation
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of difference for
people
Use synonyms
 who were arrested
with
Change preposition
for
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crime
Use synonyms
 in cities started at just over zero per cent and It increased moderately
at
Change preposition
to
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 just under 2% in 1996.After which,there was a slight decline
for
Change preposition
in
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percentage
Add an article
a percentage
the percentage
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 of individual persons who committed
crime
Use synonyms
 in Urban areas and It hit the bottom at roughly -4% in 1998.(Which was the lowest average of
change
Use synonyms
 in
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
show examples
 period).
Similarly
Linking Words
,in 1995 the proportion of
change
Use synonyms
 in general
crime
Use synonyms
 arrests for
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 who were under 18 in village places by neighbourhood was approximately 3% and after a slow
dorp
Correct your spelling
drop
show examples
,It reached
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nearly -2 % in 1998.
In contrast
Linking Words
,the average
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
change
Use synonyms
 for
crime
Use synonyms
 arrested(
people
Use synonyms
 under 18) in suburban areas was exactly 2% in 1995 and It rocketed
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 8% in1996.(Which was the highest rate during the whole
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
).
Following
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
,the figure plummeted
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 -2% in 1997 and
then
Linking Words
at the end
Linking Words
 of the trend It reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
0% in 1998.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words crime, people, change with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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