The charts below show the mortality rate by age and gender in Africa in 1950, 1980, and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

#show #mortality #rate #age #gender #africa #summarise #information #features #comparisons

The charts illustrate the likelihood of death by age and gender in Africa in 1950, 1980, and 2010. One of the first

thing

Fix the agreement mistake

things

show examples

to note is the

mortality

rates decreased as

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

time passed regardless of age. As the chart clearly

show

Change the verb form

shows

show examples

, the

mortality

rate

was highest among the oldest

member

Fix the agreement mistake

members

show examples

of society. In 1950, there was

Correct article usage

an 82

show examples

percents

Change the noun form

percent

show examples

chance of death in

this

age group. By 2010,

this

figure decreased to 70

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

. There was

striking

Correct article usage

a striking

show examples

different

Replace the word

difference

show examples

between adolescents and young adults. Unlike children, young adults in their 20s had

least

Correct article usage

the least

show examples

pass away.

This

figure fell from 10

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

to 2

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

Also

Add a comma

Also,

show examples

it is notable that

mortality

Correct article usage

the mortality

show examples

rate

accelerated when it

turns to 30s

Correct your spelling

turned 30

. In regard to gender,

man

Fix the agreement mistake

men

show examples

had

higher

Correct article usage

a higher

show examples

mortality

rate

than

women

throughout the period. It is easily observed that

Correct article usage

the mortality

show examples

mortality

Correct article usage

the mortality

show examples

rate

among

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

male

Fix the agreement mistake

males

show examples

fell from 38

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

to 24

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

Likewise

, the

mortality

rate

among

women

also

declined from 29

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

to 23

percents

Fix the agreement mistake

percent

show examples

throughout the period. The data shows that

mortality

Correct article usage

the mortality

show examples

rate

among both

man

Fix the agreement mistake

men

show examples

and

women

declined but

decrease

Add an article

a decrease

the decrease

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

rate

was faster among males.

Overall

, it is seen that

mortality

rates among both declined between 1950 to 2010.

However

Add a comma

However,

show examples

men still had a higher risk than

women

, and

mortality

rates among adolescents

had

Verb problem

were

show examples

still high figure.

Submitted by a23179573 on Sat May 25 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words mortality, rate, percents, women with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.

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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.

▼

Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.

▼

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5Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
33Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

215 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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The charts below show the mortality rate by age and gender in Africa in 1950, 1980, and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Some people think that tha government is wasting money on tha art and that this money could be better spend elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Art classes, such as painting and drawing , are as important to a child's development as other subjects, so it should be compulsory in high schools. To what extent do you agree or disagree?