IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.

The line graph shows the average number of weekly patients visiting four clinics of a hospital from 2010 to 2016.
#line #patients #four #clinics
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The feature
illustrate
Change the verb form
illustrates
show examples
 the data that contained the amount of weekly
Use synonyms
patients
Fix the agreement mistake
patient
show examples
 encouragement for clinics in a hospital between 2010 and 2016.
Overall
Linking Words
 it can be seen that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 eye
patients
Use synonyms
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
increased and
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 the highest number in 2016, whilst in 2010
diabetic
Fix the agreement mistake
diabetics
show examples
keep
Wrong verb form
kept
show examples
 the lowest number and
got
Verb problem
apply
show examples
climb
Wrong verb form
climbed
show examples
 up after that. Birth control and dental
also
Linking Words
 soared
too
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Beginning with the
people
Use synonyms
 got
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 with
Correct pronoun usage
their eye
show examples
eye
Fix the agreement mistake
eyes
show examples
, it
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 at around 125
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010 and
then
Linking Words
rised
Correct your spelling
raised
rose
rise
 significantly to 350
person
Change to a plural noun
people
show examples
 in 2016. Moving onto
diabetic
Replace the word
diabetes
show examples
, those
people
Use synonyms
begin
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 at nearly 60
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010, which was the lowest
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
in four clinics
then
Linking Words
 it got fluctuation until 2014 and
begin
Wrong verb form
began
show examples
 to
climbed
Change the verb
climb
show examples
 up steadily to 175
patients
Use synonyms
 in 2016. Turning to the remaining statistic, it can be observed that dental got a deep from 100 to approximately 115
patients
Use synonyms
 between 2010 and 2014, before it increased slightly to around 145
patients
Use synonyms
 in 2016. Moving onto birth control, which got the highest started in 2010 at nearly 350 sick
people
Use synonyms
,
it’s
Unnecessary verb
it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 went up slowly to 2012 until it dropped considerably to around 170
people
Use synonyms
 and
come
Wrong verb form
came
show examples
 back
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 nearly 250
patients
Use synonyms
 in 2016.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words patients, people with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "climb" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: