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Writing Samples
Band 7

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.

The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisions where relevant.
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The bar charts compare the graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
 who were not employed with full-time
work
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 in terms of what they did after finishing college in the UK in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most of
students
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 continued their studies and the lowest indicator belonged to the
students
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 who did voluntary
work
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. Among the graduate
students
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, the biggest indicator belonged to the
students
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 who continued their studies, with
29 665
Correct your spelling
29,665
students
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. The figure for
students
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 who were not employed was relatively the same as those for
students
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 who worked part-time, with 16 235
students
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for
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apply
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unemployed and 17 735
students
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 for part-time
work
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
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 number of
students
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 went to voluntary
work
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, at 3 500
students
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. Regarding postgraduate
students
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, most
students
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 continued their studies, at almost 2725
students
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. The indicator of part-time worked
students
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 was quite lower than it, at 2535
students
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
, approximately 1625
students
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 were not employed.
This
Linking Words
 figure was nearly 5 times as high as those for voluntarily worked
students
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. There were 345
students
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 who went to the voluntary
work
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.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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