Men and women are capable of doing jobs equally well. to what extend do you agree or disagree ?
Gender equality in the work environment is a
debating
subject. It is argued that male and female workers perform their jobs at the same level. Replace the word
debated
On the other hand
, opponents including me, believe different phisycal
and emotional capabilities among genders can affect their potential Correct your spelling
physical
performance
in the
various careers.
Correct article usage
apply
Firstly
, men
and Change noun form
men's
women
body strengths are not the same. Change noun form
women's
Although
there is a spectrum of physical strength among people, in general
there is an Add the comma(s)
general,
obivous
difference Correct your spelling
obvious
Change preposition
in musels'
musels'
volume between Correct your spelling
mussels
male
and Fix the agreement mistake
males
female
. Fix the agreement mistake
females
This
unbalanced situation, which weighs toward men
, would lead to the
higher proportion of male Correct article usage
a
blue collar
Add a hyphen
blue-collar
job
holders versus the opposite gender. For
example
Add a comma
example,
men
are more likely to be recruited and promoted based on their occupation's output for vigorous jobs such
as construction or mining duties.
Secondly
, in sentimental and relationship matters there is a huge difference among
Change preposition
between
sexes
. In general in Correct article usage
the sexes
job
vacancies which is
related to people and building Change the verb form
are
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
women
have better performance
. Due to
the better verbal intelligence and communication skills which is inherited among women
, employment
rate in those Add an article
the employment
job
areas outweighs toward
the female Change preposition
apply
job
hunters. For example
in caring and hospitality industries job
positions usually women
have the
better chance to be hired or be promoted versus Correct article usage
a
men
because of their better reactions.
In conclusion, geneder
equality in Correct your spelling
gender
job
market based on sexes' Add an article
the job
performance
is a dispute. Not only Correct article usage
the differnce
differnce
in physical Correct your spelling
difference
differences
performance
,
but Remove the comma
apply
also
their unbalanced emotional intelligence makes
it hard to vote for Correct subject-verb agreement
make
an
Correct article usage
apply
equall
Correct your spelling
equal
equally
performance
among job
holders. Personally, if I want to choose a side, I will opt the
opponent's view about Change preposition
for the
inequall
Correct your spelling
unequal
inequal
performance
among genders based on my above arguments.Submitted by asobhani.lte on
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task achievement
Your essay contains valuable points and examples, clearly distinguishing between different job requirements based on physical and emotional capabilities. However, some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down to enhance readability and comprehension. Try to simplify complex sentences without losing the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with a defined introduction and conclusion. However, some transitions between sentences seem abrupt. Using more transitional phrases will help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. For example, instead of 'Firstly,' and 'Secondly,' you could diversify with phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'In addition to,' to maintain variety.
task achievement
You’ve provided relevant specific examples to support your points, which strengthen your arguments considerably.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?