IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Men and women are capable of doing jobs equally well. to what extend do you agree or disagree ?

#men #women #jobs
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Gender equality in the work environment is a
debating
Replace the word
debated
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 subject. It is argued that male and female workers perform their jobs at the same level.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, opponents including me, believe different
phisycal
Correct your spelling
physical
 and emotional capabilities among genders can affect their potential
performance
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
various careers.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
men
Change noun form
men's
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
women
Change noun form
women's
show examples
 body strengths are not the same.
Although
Linking Words
 there is a spectrum of physical strength among people, in
general
Add the comma(s)
general,
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 there is an
obivous
Correct your spelling
obvious
 difference
Change preposition
in musels'
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musels'
Correct your spelling
mussels
 volume between
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 unbalanced situation, which weighs toward
men
Use synonyms
, would lead to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher proportion of male
blue collar
Add a hyphen
blue-collar
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 holders versus the opposite gender.
For
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
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men
Use synonyms
 are more likely to be recruited and promoted based on their occupation's output for vigorous jobs
such
Linking Words
 as construction or mining duties.
Secondly
Linking Words
, in sentimental and relationship matters there is a huge difference
among
Change preposition
between
show examples
sexes
Correct article usage
the sexes
show examples
. In general in
job
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 vacancies which
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 related to people and building
relationship
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relationships
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 have better
performance
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
 the better verbal intelligence and communication skills which is inherited among
women
Use synonyms
,
employment
Add an article
the employment
show examples
 rate in those
job
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 areas outweighs
toward
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apply
show examples
the female
job
Use synonyms
 hunters.
For example
Linking Words
 in caring and hospitality industries
job
Use synonyms
 positions usually
women
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better chance to be hired or be promoted versus
men
Use synonyms
 because of their better reactions. In conclusion,
geneder
Correct your spelling
gender
 equality in
Use synonyms
job
Add an article
the job
show examples
 market based on sexes'
performance
Use synonyms
 is a dispute. Not only
Correct article usage
the differnce
show examples
differnce
Correct your spelling
difference
differences
 in physical
performance
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 their unbalanced emotional intelligence
makes
Correct subject-verb agreement
make
show examples
 it hard to vote for
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equall
Correct your spelling
equal
equally
performance
Use synonyms
 among
job
Use synonyms
 holders. Personally, if I want to choose a side, I will opt
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
 opponent's view about
inequall
Correct your spelling
unequal
inequal
performance
Use synonyms
 among genders based on my above arguments.
Submitted by asobhani.lte on

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task achievement
Your essay contains valuable points and examples, clearly distinguishing between different job requirements based on physical and emotional capabilities. However, some sentences are lengthy and could be broken down to enhance readability and comprehension. Try to simplify complex sentences without losing the depth of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The structure of your essay is generally clear, with a defined introduction and conclusion. However, some transitions between sentences seem abrupt. Using more transitional phrases will help guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next. For example, instead of 'Firstly,' and 'Secondly,' you could diversify with phrases like 'Moreover,' or 'In addition to,' to maintain variety.
task achievement
You’ve provided relevant specific examples to support your points, which strengthen your arguments considerably.
coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to understand your viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender equality
  • professional abilities
  • personal skills
  • qualifications
  • success stories
  • stereotypes
  • perceptions
  • education and training
  • gender differences
  • social benefits
  • economic benefits
  • gender-diverse workplaces
What to do next:
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