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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below show percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1977 and 2007.

The chart below show percentage of water used in different sectors in Sydney, Australia in 1977 and 2007.
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The pie charts compare portions of
water
Use synonyms
 used in various sections in Sydney and Australia in 1997 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 Sydneysiders and Australian people spent the largest proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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water
Use synonyms
on
Change preposition
in
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food
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the food
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industry
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 and
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
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 proportion used
on
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in
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building
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the building
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industry
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 in 1997 and 2007. In 1997, the greatest proportion of spending
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water
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on water
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 was on the food
industry
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, which represented 48% of the total expenditure and
2007
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in 2007
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 it was slightly lower, at 41%. In terms of the service
industry
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, in 1997 people spent 13% of
water
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 and
2007
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in 2007
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 it was almost doubled, at 25%. Sydneysiders and Australian people spent
the
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water
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 for manufacturing, at 5% in 1997 and it
was
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moderately declined,
at
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to
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 2% in 2007. Regarding
the
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apply
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household uses, the total expenditure was just 19% in 1997 and the figure for
this
Linking Words
 category
was
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slowly increased,
at
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to
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 21% in 2007.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the
figure
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figures
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 for
the
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manufacturing for both years were relatively similar, at 15% in 1997 and 11% in 2007.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, industry with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • water consumption
  • percent
  • sector
  • domestic
  • industrial
  • agriculture
  • comparison
  • trends
  • decrease
  • increase
  • significant
  • resource management
  • sustainability
  • efficiency
  • conservation
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