IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Increasing numbers of workers are suffering from stress and stress-related illnesses. Why is the modern workplace so stressful and what can be done to reduce this problem?

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Many
employees
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 are struggling with stressful workplaces and illnesses
originated
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originate
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 from these conditions.
Although
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 there are root causes behind
this
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 issue, effective policies can be adopted to remedy the problem. There are two main reasons why modern offices can be stressful.
Firstly
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, there is an unbalanced demand for hiring
employees
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 compared to job vacancies. Simply put, workers are under
the
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apply
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pressure to do their jobs in an efficient way to satisfy the
employees
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' requirements.
Therefore
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, employers can lay off a worker and hire a fresh and well-skilled employee from the market in the case of dissatisfaction. A salient example is that in some companies,
the
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apply
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employers ignore their workplace rights to show their loyalty to the employer with minimum expectations.
Secondly
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, the pace of doing tasks has
been changes
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been changed
been changing
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thesedays
Correct your spelling
these days
.
In other words
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, most activities in various domains are accomplished in an accelerated approach to decrease the time and expenses
in
Change preposition
of
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 projects. There are,
however
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, some workable solutions. The first step would be changing the culture from being time-oriented to a task-oriented approach. Simply put, it creates more valuable outputs if employers notice
to
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apply
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the accomplished tasks
instead
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 of the time that workers on them. A good illustration is that different companies use flexible working hours to decrease the anxiety of
employees
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 to be on time at work or spend required moments out of the workplace. Another viable solution is that there are facilities in offices to release workers' stress by playing games like board games, table tennis, and pooling. By way of conclusion, considering the points discussed above, being stressful among
employees
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 can be caused
due to
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 various reasons
such
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 as the unbalanced trade-off between human resources and job vacancies,
as well as
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 fast-paced development. In spite of the contributing factors, effective solutions exist, including changing the point of view from time-oriented to task-oriented and implementing different methods to reduce stress like games and hobbies.

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task response
Your essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides a complete response. However, you could improve by providing more specific and varied examples to support your points.
task response
There are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrasing (e.g., "the employers ignore their workplace rights to show their loyalty"). Try to proofread your work to eliminate such errors.
coherence cohesion
Consider refining your transitions between paragraphs and ideas to create a smoother flow. Using a variety of linking words and phrases can enhance your coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas logically.
task response
You've correctly identified the main causes of workplace stress and provided plausible solutions, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay prompt.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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