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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

young people often influenced in their behavior by others in the same age group. Some argue that peer pressure is important while others feel it has distinct disadvantages. Do the disadvantages of peer pressure outweigh the advantages?

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There was a controversial
heating up
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heating-up
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 debate over the
pressure
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 of teenagers.
While
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 some claim that stress
acts as
Verb problem
plays
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 a crucial
role
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 in young
people
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, the opposite makes a statement that it has a clear drawback.
This
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 phenomenon has both pros and cons.
Firstly
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, there
are
Change the verb form
is
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 a wide range of positive notions in interacting with their friends.
Tobe
Correct your spelling
To be
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 more specific, young
people
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 usually take others as
role
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 models
as a result
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 they have more motivation in their life.
Moreover
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, when peers provide positive
role
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 models, their counterparts tend to experience enhancements in their academic performance
as well as
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 their social development.
For instance
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, watching someone who earns a scholarship can
promote
Verb problem
encourage
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 teenagers to be more diligent in their studies.
On the other hand
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, the number of young
people
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 under
pressure
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 from academic results is significantly higher, which can have some negative influence.
In particular
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, students frequently feel obligated to earn high grades and maintain a comparable level of academic performance as their classmates and are motivated by the
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
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 of their parents.
For example
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, students try to do their best
for
Change preposition
to
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 study to prepare for their academic performance, which can lead to autism, depression and overthinking
as a result
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 they can be think to make away with themselves.
Hence
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, being under
pressure
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 is negative for young
people
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. In conclusion, the debate over the influence of peer
pressure
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 on teenagers is a complex issue with both pros and cons.
While
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 peer
role
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 models can inspire academic and social growth, excessive
pressure
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 to conform and achieve can
also
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 have detrimental effects on young
people
Use synonyms
's mental health and well-being.

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complete response
Aim to provide more specific examples to better illustrate your points. For instance, mentioning specific studies or real-life scenarios can help strengthen your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that all ideas are clearly explained and developed. There was a slight lack of clarity in some arguments which could be enhanced with clearer transition words and phrases.
supported main points
The essay presents both sides of the argument effectively, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of peer pressure.
logical structure
There is a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in following the flow of ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the discussion well.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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