IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

the graphs below show the percentage of men and wommen aged 60-64bwho were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.

the graphs below show the percentage of men and wommen aged 60-64bwho were employed in four countries in 1970 and 2000.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The given bar charts compare four different countries namely
Belgium
Use synonyms
, the
USA
Use synonyms
,
Japan
Use synonyms
, and
Australia
Use synonyms
 in terms of the proportion of employees falling into the 60-64 age group in 1970 and 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, what is notable from the chart is that consistent increases were observed in the percentage of males aged 60-64 in employment across all countries. Meanwhile, with women in
this
Linking Words
 age range, the upward trajectory was only seen in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Belgium
Use synonyms
. Of all the countries,
Japan
Use synonyms
 recorded the largest shares of both male and female workforce entering their early 60s during the entire period. In 1970, 74% of men in
Japan
Use synonyms
 still worked, followed by the
USA
Use synonyms
 and
Australia
Use synonyms
, with respective figures standing at around 55% and 47%. In
Belgium
Use synonyms
 accounted for just under 20%.
Although
Linking Words
Japan
Use synonyms
 only recorded a gentle rise to 86%. Similar changes,
we
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen in the data for
Belgium
Use synonyms
, which rose fourfold to nearly 80%.
In
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Australia
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
,
also
Linking Words
 witnessed a marked uptick to 76% and 74%.
Japan
Use synonyms
 had the highest employment rate with 40% in 1970, after which
this
Linking Words
 figure increased to 43% over the next 30 years. The
USA
Use synonyms
 figure
falling
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 from 39% to 36% over the same period.
Australia
Use synonyms
 rose by 2% and ended the period at around 16%, double the figure for
Belgium
Use synonyms
, levelling off at around 8% between 1970 and 2000.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary: Replace the words belgium, usa, japan, australia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "fall" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increases" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: