IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.

The line graph below gives information on cinema attendance in the UK.
#line #information #cinema #attendance #uk
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The graph gives information about the
percentage
Use synonyms
o
Change preposition
of
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 British people
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
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 to watch movies from 2000 to 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of people in all age
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 approximately increased during
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 certain period and the data fluctuated. There is an obvious feature that as people became older, they had
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower possibility to go to cinema. Specifically, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of 15-
24-years-old
Correct your spelling
24-year-olds
 was the highest from 15% in 2000 to more than 50% in 2015 and a fluctuation can be seen in the period around 2010. In the five years after 2010, the figure decreased to less than 40% and
then
Linking Words
climeb
Correct your spelling
climbed
 up to its peak at almost 60%. In the remaining age groups, the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of them was between nearly 3% to 40%. Significantly, the figures for
Correct article usage
the 7-14-years-old
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7-14-years-old
Correct your spelling
7-14-year-old
 and 25-35-years-old
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 was equal to each other at approximately 31% in 2015.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, it was obvious that the figure for
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
 and over group was always the lowest from almost 1% in 2000 to nearly 13% in 2015.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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