The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
The chart illustrates the level of regular physical activity
according to
sex and
age
groups in Australia in 2010.
First,
in Australia, approximately four in ten people did regular
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
during their lives as of
age
15 and over. In the youngest group, people from 15 to 24 years old, females
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for 47.7% only,
whereas
males
presented
peak
Add an article
a peak
show examples
of 52.8%. In stark contrast, growing up women became more active and improved
amount
Correct pronoun usage
their amount
show examples
of regular physical
activities
from
age
25 and more,
peaked
Wrong verb form
peaking
show examples
around
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
-54 years old category with 53.3%,
while
males
decreased gradually until the
age
of 35 to 44 and
then
slightly recovered. People above 65
were sharing
Wrong verb form
shared
show examples
roughly the same parameters, 46.7 and 47.1 for
males
and females respectively.
Secondly
, the biggest disproportion was observed in the
age
group of 35 to 44, when
share
Add an article
the share
a share
show examples
of
males
who were doing regular physical
activities
achieved the bottom of 39.5%,
while
females accounted for 52.5, which is 12% more, compared to
males
.
Overall
, in terms of doing regular
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities
adult women were more active than men,
while
among the youth men were led.
Submitted by vikiregev on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words age, activities, males with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Physical activity
  • Regular exercise
  • Age demographics
  • Participation rate
  • Trend analysis
  • Gender disparity
  • Health initiatives
  • Public health policies
  • Statistical comparison
  • Lifestyle choices
  • Work commitments
  • Age-related factors
  • Preventative health
  • Exercise habits
  • Surveillance data
  • Motivators and barriers
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