IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1

Some people think that people in senior positions alone should make decisions in a business, while others think that employees should be involved in the decision-making process too. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #positions #decisions #business #employees #process
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
While
 a faction of people hold the notion that senior management should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 business decisions
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the ideal practice, others argue that all
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of employees should consulted and involved
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 process. I completely agree with the latter view as ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons are present to substantiate it.
This
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations.
While
 a faction of people hold the notion that senior management should
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
 business decisions
is
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
 the ideal practice, others argue that all
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of employees should consulted and involved
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
 process. I completely agree with the latter view as ample
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
reasons are present to substantiate it.
This
 essay
would
Wrong verb form
will
show examples
 delve into my viewpoints with relevant illustrations.
Submitted by ck.manshad on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay would benefit from discussing both views more comprehensively. While you have stated your opinion, you did not adequately address the opposing view that only senior management should make decisions. To achieve a higher score, make sure you present balanced arguments for both perspectives before concluding with your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
There are grammatical errors present, such as, 'should take business decisions is the ideal practice'—it should be 'taking business decisions is the ideal practice.' Similarly, 'all level of employees should consulted' should be 'all levels of employees should be consulted.' Correcting these errors will improve your coherence and cohesion score.
coherence cohesion
The essay lacks a clear logical structure. Use transition words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments. For instance, words like 'Firstly,' 'Additionally,' 'On the other hand,' and 'In conclusion' can help organize your thoughts better.
task achievement
You have stated your opinion clearly, which gives a direction to your essay. This is a good starting point for developing a structured argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: