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Writing Samples
Band 5

The line graph illustrates the average monthly change in price of 3 metals in 2014

The line graph illustrates the average monthly change in price of 3 metals in 2014
Contained in the line graph is data pertaining to the alteration in
monthly
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the monthly
a monthly
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 price of 3 different types of metal throughout the year 2014
Overall
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, the conversion in the cost of
nickel
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 and
copper
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 witnessed a downward trajectory over the surveyed period,
while
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 the opposite was true for that of zinc. Notably, the most significant volatility can be seen in the figure for
nickel
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. Looking at the first half of the year, it is apparent that the change
in
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price
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the price
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 of
nickel
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 fell significantly from exactly 6% to 1% during the first three months before hitting a trough at precisely -3% in June,
while
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 there was a gradual decline of
approxiamtely
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approximately
 1,5% in that of
copper
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.
Whereas
Linking Words
, the figure for zinc started at exactly 1% in January. It
then
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 increased rapidly to exactly 3% in February prior to plummeting to -3% in June. Turning to the second half of the year, despite some fluctuations, both figures for
nickel
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 and zinc experienced a swift rise to exactly 2% and 1% between June and December,
repectively
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respectively
. Meanwhile, the conversion in price of
copper
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 grew moderately to precisely 1% in July.
Following
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this
Linking Words
,
copper
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 remained unchanged at 1% in the next 3 months before decreasing to approximately 0,5% in December.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, the figure rebounded to roughly 1,5%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words nickel, copper with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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