Some people think that main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens, and workers, rather to benefit them as individuals. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
Major
Correct word choice
Many
people
believe that schools should educate the
Correct article usage
apply
cildren
to be Correct your spelling
children
a
nice residents and employees Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
instead
of turning them into a
beneficial Correct article usage
apply
person
. Fix the agreement mistake
people
This
author agree
with Change the verb form
agrees
this
statement due to
the priority for the general interest and the trend of socialization.
The first key factor must
be considered is that the general interests Correct pronoun usage
that must
in
the whole community would be more important. It is essential to understand that if we can ensure the large interest, each of us can benefit from it and because we live together in a society, we have to put the general Change preposition
of
intersts
on the first target. Correct your spelling
interests
As a result
, individual intersts
will be a part of the general one and everybody Correct your spelling
interests
have
to bring their benefits to contribute to the Correct subject-verb agreement
has
overall
benefits. For instance
, while
the covid-19
pandemic is spreading, Correct your spelling
COVID-19
people
have to wear a mask when they go out and that is
useless for them butthose
masks will protect other Correct your spelling
Those
people
and if everybody wear
masks, the pandemic Change the verb form
wears
cannnot
spread quickly and easy to be wiped out.
Another thing Verb problem
cannot
should
be mentioned is that the trend of socialization is becoming more and more popular. It means that Correct pronoun usage
that should
people
tend to live and work
for community
rather Add an article
the community
to
do it for themselves.
Change preposition
than
Therefore
, many countries all around the world start
to connect their citizens together and there are more and more multinational companies where Wrong verb form
have started
people
can work
with other people
from any nation in the world. Take Microsoft Corporation as a
example, Change the article
an
this
is a
one of the giants in technology and they operate in Change the article
apply
hundreds
nations so Add the preposition
hundreds of
that
employees in Correct word choice
apply
a
same companies have to Correct article usage
the
work
with many other people
from other nations and they all work
for the
Microsoft's interests.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, the
schools should turn children into good citizens and workers because of the priority for Correct article usage
apply
overall
advantages and the trend of socialization. Hence
, the main purpose of schools should not be make
them benefit as Change the verb form
to make
making
a
individual.Change the article
an
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grammar
Ensure to proofread and correct grammatical errors and spelling mistakes. For example, 'cildren' should be 'children' and 'intersts' should be 'interests'.
task achievement
Add more clear and comprehensive ideas to support your argument. Right now, the points are somewhat generalized and could benefit from more specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow of the essay by using more linking words and phrases. This will help the paragraphs connect better and make the essay more cohesive.
introduction
The essay begins with a clear introduction and thesis statement, which provides a good foundation for the argument.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and restates the thesis, bringing the essay to a coherent close.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.