People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

#people #amounts #time #money #clothes #hairstyles #change #appearance #consequences

Nowadays, large amounts of time and money are spent on individuals’ clothes, hairstyles and make-up to change their outlook.

This

writer believes that focusing on

appearance

is crucial because it helps

people

’s jobs and individuals can

gain

beautiful or handsome appearances. It is important to acknowledge that the way

people

look is helpful for their jobs. A nice

appearance

will help

people

gain

the truth from their bosses and their colleagues.

Due to

this

people

can get a promotion on their work and have a higher salary.

Moreover

, a beautiful

appearance

when

people

have interviews, the first impression will affect directly their opportunities to join that company. Not only that

Add the word(s)

, but

show examples

the

appearance

also

important to the businessmen. If they have a good outlook and seem professional, their counterparts will be high-rated to work with. A consequence of focusing on physical

appearance

people

gain

a pretty or handsome outlook. It boosts individuals’ confidence and they will become more and more happy.

According to

the good

appearance

people

can

gain

several good compliments.

As a result

people

can be confident when talking to another person or get more relationships.

For instance

, many young actors want to have a beautiful

appearance

so they have to change their hairstyles and it helps them to become famous. In conclusion, focusing on physical

appearance

helps

people

on their way to being successful in their business.

Moreover

, it

also

helps individuals become more attractive and confident.

Submitted by [email protected] on Mon May 27 2024

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coherence cohesion

Improve the coherence by connecting ideas more clearly and using more transition words.

task achievement

Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.

task achievement

Though the essay has a clear structure, consider expanding each paragraph slightly to explore the ideas more deeply.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.

support

Main points are supported with reasons and some examples.

argument

Argument about the importance of appearance in professional settings is well articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

241 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Aesthetic appeal
Body image
Consumer culture
Grooming habits
Personal identity
Professional demeanor
Psychological well-being
Self-esteem
Social comparison
Societal standards

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People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Due to development and rapid expansion of supermarkets in some countries many small local business are unable to compete. some thought that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree??

You have recently read a book about a city you know well and found some incorrect information. Write a letter to the author. In your letter tell him/her of the incorrect information give him/her the correct information explain why they should correct it.

Some people think that cars are the best way to travel in a city, while others think that bicycle is better. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be compulsory in high school programmes (for example, working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). Do you agree or disagree?