People spend large amounts of time and money on clothes, hairstyles and make up to change their appearance. Is it important for people to be concerned about the way they look? What are the consequences of focusing on physical appearance?

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Nowadays, large amounts of time and money are spent on individuals’ clothes, hairstyles and make-up to change their outlook.
This
writer believes that focusing on
appearance
is crucial because it helps
people
’s jobs and individuals can
gain
beautiful or handsome appearances. It is important to acknowledge that the way
people
look is helpful for their jobs. A nice
appearance
will help
people
gain
the truth from their bosses and their colleagues.
Due to
this
,
people
can get a promotion on their work and have a higher salary.
Moreover
, a beautiful
appearance
when
people
have interviews, the first impression will affect directly their opportunities to join that company. Not only that
,
Add the word(s)
, but
show examples
the
appearance
is
also
important to the businessmen. If they have a good outlook and seem professional, their counterparts will be high-rated to work with. A consequence of focusing on physical
appearance
is
people
gain
a pretty or handsome outlook. It boosts individuals’ confidence and they will become more and more happy.
According to
the good
appearance
,
people
can
gain
several good compliments.
As a result
,
people
can be confident when talking to another person or get more relationships.
For instance
, many young actors want to have a beautiful
appearance
so they have to change their hairstyles and it helps them to become famous. In conclusion, focusing on physical
appearance
helps
people
on their way to being successful in their business.
Moreover
, it
also
helps individuals become more attractive and confident.
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coherence cohesion
Improve the coherence by connecting ideas more clearly and using more transition words.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Though the essay has a clear structure, consider expanding each paragraph slightly to explore the ideas more deeply.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure.
support
Main points are supported with reasons and some examples.
argument
Argument about the importance of appearance in professional settings is well articulated.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Aesthetic appeal
  • Body image
  • Consumer culture
  • Grooming habits
  • Personal identity
  • Professional demeanor
  • Psychological well-being
  • Self-esteem
  • Social comparison
  • Societal standards
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